Being Good Enough

If there is one thing common amongst all of us, it is our lack of satisfaction with what/who we are. The sentence, ‘I am not good enough’ hangs about in our subconscious like a prison sentence, waiting to be invoked at a short notice. Yes, this sentence, keeps us imprisoned in under-confidence. Whether we look confident or not, whether we feel confident or not, whether we are proficient in our work or not, whether we look gorgeous or not; none of this matters as at some point or the other in our daily lives we feel ‘less than enough.’ This applies across board to all human beings, only the degree/sphere of under-confidence varies.

Why is it the way it is? The primary reason is that most of us don’t really believe in our inherent strengths. There is always a ‘yes, but…..’ about our abilities. We invariably fail to discover our genius and recognize our gifts. More often than not we fail to take a ride into the unknown possibilities our life offers. So, how can we correct all that? We can do it by taking charge of ourselves. We can do it by loving ourselves for who we are. We can do it by becoming our own leaders and believing in our capacity to grow. One doesn’t have to be ‘born’ a leader to lead oneself. You can become your own leader by just choosing to do so. After all leadership is a learnable skill!

To be your own leader, you must be able to envisage your own bright future. You can do this by reminding yourself that there is something in you which is better than what you are displaying right now. The more vividly you can ‘see’ your bright future, more excited you will become about your abilities. Your excitement will attract your great picture towards you. This excitement will boost your productivity, change your behavior and greatly motivate you. Excitement almost always works in making one feel good about oneself!

Once you have tuned into the picture of this bright future, keep re-enforcing it from time to time. Visualize this picture every night for at least 15 minutes. Get really excited every time you do that; let your heart race and let your pulse pound! The more vividly you can visualize your dreams, more real they will become and more fulfilled you will feel. A person who can’t get genuinely excited about him/herself cannot be satisfied with what s/he is and can’t achieve anything worthwhile.

Another sure shot way to feel good about yourself is by taking care of your needs; both physical and emotional. Start each day with gratitude for who you are and what you are capable of doing. Learning new things also makes one grow and feel more alive; so learn something new every day. Also take out time to engage in activities that you enjoy. Moments of joy increase our confidence levels. When we are in a happy frame of mind, we feel more positive about ourselves and the world around us.

Embrace your imperfections. No one is perfect in all areas of their lives at all times. Each one of us is unique and our uniqueness is our strength. Remember to make yourself the number one person in your life, because if you don’t feel like number one to yourself, you won’t give your best to anyone or anything. Tell yourself, “I am worth it”, and feel worthy of being you! Never forget that you are more than good enough………for you and your loved ones!

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Time to Blossom

Have you ever done any gardening? If you have, you know that each flower is different and unique. It has its own time for sowing; its requirements of water, manure, sunlight are different and it flowers at its own time as well. A gardener doesn’t ever try to make a flower bloom before its time, and even if s/he tried, the flower won’t oblige. Even amongst one particular species, there are some flowers that bloom early, most bloom together but some are the last ones to blossom. The ones that bloom early wither early as well. We can comment on their blooming schedule but can’t really do anything about it.

The same truism applies to us humans as well. The only difference is the sword of expectations hanging over our heads. Everyone expects something from us; be it our parents, teachers, siblings, colleagues, spouses, society, city, or nation. We ourselves expect a lot from us; so unlike the flowers we remain under stress to perform or else!!! No one knows the answer to ‘or else’ but everyone is fearful of this fear of the unknown.

In this melee of expectations we lose our self identity. We stop listening to our inner voice. Julie Cameron, an American filmmaker, says, “The voice of our original self is often muffled, overwhelmed, even strangled by the voices of other people’s expectations.” She is absolutely right.

Most of us unconsciously believe that we are unworthy or defective pieces of creation. This belief gets formed very early in our lives, when our parents or teachers disapproved of our behavior, demands, desires and wishes. It was then that we decided to be good; but ‘to be good’ is equated with following the practiced norms in our society. In order to become good we lose our uniqueness. We start behaving and acting exactly as the significant people in our life demand; because we look up to them, because we want them to love us.

Examine your current beliefs now. Have they helped you become what you wanted to become? If not then it is time to drop those beliefs. It is time to let go of our masks and express our uniqueness. In doing so we may behave differently than people expect from us, but we will be expressing our deep authentic nature.

For all this time, you have protected the seed inside you. Now it is time to plant it, water it, nourish it, and let it flower. Flowering is not in your hands though…..Even the Master Gardener knows it….and He waits patiently for you to blossom in your complete glory!!!!

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Who Am I?

Most of us want to know the purpose of our lives. We want to know what we must do to achieve success. In my experience, there is only one question that we should be asking in order to achieve our highest potential, and that question is ‘who am I?’
Yes, this is the most important question in life. At various stages of our life this question will elicit a different answer but that will be our truth at that time. And we cannot succeed at anything unless we follow our truth.

The truth is that we are unique being. Without us there would be something crucial missing from the Universe. Without us the world would not be the same. You may feel as insignificant as a drop in the ocean but the truth is that you have the power of the ocean inside you.

Most people believe that we are in this world to ‘do’ something, because we are repeatedly told by our environment that we need to ‘do’ better and better in our studies and in our jobs otherwise we will lose out to others. This kind of environment creates fear inside us. This fear makes us ask these questions, “What am I to do? What is my purpose in life?” This fear propagates all our ills. We feel small, insignificant, of no consequence and worst of all, a failure! If we keep focusing on ‘doing’ we miss the entire point of existence which is ‘being’; being comes naturally to everyone, if only we pay enough attention and ask the right question, ‘who am I?’.

A mango tree doesn’t try to do anything to produce mangoes. The grass doesn’t try to grow. Fish don’t try to swim. They do these things as a part of their being; it is their natural expression. Since we are unique ‘beings’ (also human ‘beings’) we too carry a unique natural expression. Given time and suitable conditions this natural expression flowers and comes to fruition, automatically. When we are being true to ourselves, success is bound to follow us. That is the law of nature.

Suppose the mango tree was not being true to itself. Suppose it wanted to produce oranges. Do you think it would succeed? It may spend its entire lifetime but it will gain nothing except frustration. Much to its chagrin it will still produce mangoes only. On the other hand, as is the natural law, a regular mango tree lives in a state of peace, energy, joy and inspiration, being what it is, and happily producing mangoes. Can we be like a regular mango tree? Sure we can!

In order to know who we are, we need to align with our truth. A part of this truth has been programmed within our being in the guise of our likes and desires. When we free the being from doing, the doing flows from a place of true power within; the power of the ocean. But unfortunately we are like that mango tree who is at war with itself, trying hard to produce oranges. It is high time we ended this war and found peace within; the peace of who we are!

Here is a small contemplation exercise that will help you find your true self:

• Sit in a comfortable position.
• Close your eyes and become aware of your body.
• Think about who you have been since you were born.
• Open up to the idea of your natural self inside you.
• Ask for inner guidance.
• Think about who you are when you are naturally at peace with yourself.
• What role would you like to play in this world?
• What types of activities bring you joy and fulfillment?
• If money and time were of no consequence, what would you rather be doing?
• After 10 minutes open your eyes and write down all your insights.

These insights will help you find the answer to the all important question, “Who am I?” This answer will help you achieve your highest potential in life. Only then can you be truly joyful, fulfilled and successful!!!

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Know what you want from life

A lot of people have been writing to me saying, ‘I don’t know what I want from life. Can you help me?’ so I decided to address this issue to a larger audience through this write up.

How can we know what we want from life? If you are asking this question it implies that you do not know yourself. No human being has ever walked the face of the earth, without ‘wanting’ something from life. In order to identify what ‘you’ want, you need to ask yourself some more questions:

What am I passionate about? This is a very important question as passion drives most people towards what they want. There may be more than one thing that you feel passionate about. Write them all down.

What am I good at? The answer to this question will lead you towards your focus.

What sparks my creativity? Each person has some creative spark. What is yours?

Do I trust myself? When you believe in yourself and your dreams you can achieve anything that you set your heart upon.

Do I deserve it? This question is related to your self-worth. Most of the times we feel that we don’t deserve what we are asking for.

What is my inspiration? Every person has at least one role model; someone who inspires them. What inspires you? When you sit down to study or go out to work, what motivates you to do so?

What do I regret not having, doing or being? When you think about your life what is it that sticks out like a sore thumb? What are your ‘what ifs......’?

What is stopping me from being myself? People perceive all kinds of difficulties or justifications for not doing something. What is your justification?

What do I fear? Our fears stop us from moving forward. Which fears are keeping you chained?

Life is a precious gift given to all of us. It is our sacred duty to honour it and not waste it on what could have been. We must grab all the opportunities that come our way; but until we know what it is that we want from life we can’t do that. It is very easy to justify our stagnant ways. It is very easy to get carried away by emotions or curse our fate. Passion and purpose must go hand in hand if we are to achieve what we truly desire from life.

Only when we know what we want from life can we lead happy, inspired, and purposeful lives.......

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Enjoy Yourself

A cousin of mine tells me an interesting story. He says that when he was a school kid, his parents told him, ‘Work hard now; when you get admission in a good college, you will enjoy yourself.’ In due course he joined a good college. Now he was told, ‘Work hard now; when you get into a good management school, you can enjoy yourself.’ Well, he got admitted into a reputed management school. This time the refrain was, ‘Work hard now; when you get a good job, you can enjoy yourself.’ He got a wonderful placement. As a young manager he was again told, ‘Work hard now; in the corporate world it is either up or out. As you move up, you will enjoy yourself.’ Currently, he is a senior V.P. with a multinational company but he hasn’t found the elusive enjoyment until now. His advice to all the youngsters is, ‘Work hard and play hard. Enjoy yourself at each step. The time once gone doesn’t come back. Work and enjoyment must walk hand in hand.’ I completely agree with him.
The fact remains that 99% of people in our world are either stuck in a job that they hate because it is giving them enough money to get by; or they are just about satisfied with their job without being completely fulfilled. Those who enjoy what they do can’t seem to make their work pay enough money to enjoy their lives. So they all remain frustrated. Where is the time to enjoy???

Most of us always remember our mother’s cooking. Why is it so? A mother always cooks with love, especially when she is cooking for her children. For her it is not just a meal, it is an offering of love and care. She enjoys cooking and feeding her children. The hand that stirs the pot makes a great difference to what is being stirred!! Similarly, when we do, whatever it is that we are supposed to be doing, with love and attention, it shows in the result. So, what stops us from doing our jobs/studies with love and attention? The biggest culprit is our mindset. How can we change this mindset?

We can change our mindset from that of ‘Chalta Hai’ to that of ‘Concentrating on one thing at a time with punctuality, order, diligence and determination’. This one thing at a time can be either work or play. Work and play are two wheels of a cart which must move in unison if we do not wish to upset the cart. This cart signifies our life and no one can tell us what to do with our lives as the right answers are right within our hearts.

You may have big dreams or small dreams; just focus on the fun of achieving them and you are halfway there!!!! Enjoy the journey……one step at a time.

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Cultivating the Power of Choice

At any given moment we are faced with two (or more than two) choices. Each choice has a consequence, whether we realize it in that moment or not. At times we end up making right choices, but there are times when we do falter. These moments are known as ‘Choice Points’, and the consequences are ‘Choice Point Events’. These choice point events are presented to us between now (the choice point) and anytime in future; but when these events do happen (come into our experience) we either blame or credit others. If there is no one to give credit to or blame, we label it as good luck or bad luck. In reality, luck is nothing but a consequence of our choices or a choice point event! If you think about it, all we really have in our life is our power to choose and all we really get are the consequences of those choices.

Making good choices is a quality we all need to cultivate in order to attract good luck. Our choices usually tell us (and the environment) what is and what is not to our liking. As we have no choice but to choose something in every moment, we end up learning from our choices. We repeat those choices which have led us to success so far and avoid those ones which have led to failure; but one undeniable truth is that choices are the ultimate expression of our free will!

How to choose remains an art to be learnt!! We must learn how to choose until we ‘get it right’. It helps us to remember 3 D’s of Discernment, Detachment and Discipline, before we make any choices.

Choices must be made with discernment because each choice has a consequence; and discernment can only be gained through our experience with choices; our successes and failures, the tragedies and triumphs of our lives, the mistakes and miracles that we encounter. The important step in making better choices is to learn from our successes and failures and do better the next time. If we can improve each time, step by step our choices become better and our lives improve.

Choices must be made with detachment. Detachment is the art of letting the will of God become our will. Complete acceptance of and surrender to His will takes a lot of faith and true faith can never let us down.

Choices must accompany discipline. Success in any area is directly linked to our discipline in pursuing it. We can’t have a successful venture without the discipline of training, policies and procedures. Discipline is bound to be the foundation of anything that we wish to achieve in this world. With detachment and discipline, we learn discernment and employ the power of our choices to good use.

Making choices based on compassion, and as empowered creators rather than from the mindset of angry, vengeful victims is important too. Only then can we truly fulfill our highest potential, not to mention, our Divine destiny!!!

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Believe You Can

You must have heard the story of a deaf frog that climbed out of a well because he couldn’t hear others telling him that it can’t be done. The other day someone told me a story about a young boy who fell asleep in his math class. He woke up as the bell rang and saw two problems written on the Blackboard. Assuming that it was the homework for the day he noted them down and labored over them through the night. After great difficulty he managed to solve one of the two problems. The next day as he showed his homework to the teacher, she was absolutely stunned as the problem the boy solved was supposed to be unsolvable.

So, how could the boy solve an unsolvable problem? Simple!! He didn’t know that it was unsolvable!!! He thought that if he didn’t solve at least one of the two problems he will be punished. If he had known that the problem couldn’t be solved, he wouldn’t have solved it. Similarly when we tell ourselves (or others tell us) that this can’t be done….that is impossible…..you can’t do it….. it’s not your cup of tea….etc etc, we start believing these as our truth; and our beliefs make them our truth. It is a vicious cycle. It is up to us whether we choose empowering beliefs or limiting beliefs. Our choices determine our destiny!!

Our beliefs act as the compass and map to guide us in attaining our goals. If we believe we can, we can; if we believe we can’t, we can’t. It is as simple as that. Our beliefs are the inner source of our outer behavior. If we make a conscious effort to change our beliefs, our lives can change. But that can happen only when we take full responsibility for our beliefs. When we realize that our success is not dependent upon anyone or anything outside of our beliefs we start paying more attention to them.

Awareness of our inherent beliefs is not a onetime thing; it is a full time commitment to remain alert to the inner dialogue going on within us. It is a 24x7 awareness of our state of mind. It is a constant monitoring of our thoughts. Only then can we change our limiting beliefs into empowering statements.

Our beliefs are a form of energy and whatever we choose to give energy to becomes stronger with time. Limiting beliefs require as much energy as empowering beliefs do; but in our current societal environment everyone places more focus on what can’t be done, what is impossible, what is wrong with us, etc. We feel that by constantly reminding a person of his shortcomings we can help him improve himself. But that is not how it works. A constant reminder of one’s weaknesses only strengthens our beliefs about what is not right with us. With time it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. It is time now to change this system and make our beliefs work for us, instead of working against us.

Problems and challenging situations are just the right times to attempt to remain aware of our beliefs and change them. These are the times to disengage from any self-defeating thought patterns. Remember, no one can help you without your full co-operation!!!! Your empowerment lies in your own beliefs!!!

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Your Thoughts Can Change Your Life

Your thoughts determine the quality of your life. You must have heard this phrase many times. (I myself have told this time and again in my columns.) But do you actually ‘believe’ in this statement? Have you tried to experiment with it in your own life? You see, unless you believe in this truth, you won’t make any effort to re-wire your thinking process. What are you afraid of? Why don’t you give it a try? What can you lose? Nothing! In fact you stand to gain a lot by researching and re-formatting your thought patterns.

The first thing to do is to break your habitual thinking patterns. Most of our thoughts get repeated day after day after day, becoming our constant reality. Suppose you were to think differently from now on, don’t you think that your so-called reality will get affected as well? Treat this challenge as an assignment and stay ready to be surprised by the results.

When you change your routine thinking patterns, you actually ‘think’ about your day-to-day decisions, instead of just habitually choosing a default mode without any consideration. When you become aware of your thoughts your choices always reflect your best interest. Most of us stay in a ‘box’ all our lives. This box is a result of our programming and conditioning. In our childhood our parents, and teachers help program this; in adulthood we continue to maintain it. Once we understand that we are the author and creator of our life, we are led to ask deeper questions, such as, “How do I create something else instead?” and “What should this ‘something else’ be?” Thinking outside your box can change your life story.

In our chosen life experience, we face many challenges. Most of the times a measure of fear governs our perceptions while dealing with these challenges. If we could stop these fear thoughts in our head for just one moment, we would discover that there is no reason to be frightened or fearful. Even when things look bleak we can look ahead with courage and hope. This looking ahead with courage and hope is a kind of ‘attention’ that can be called a ‘prayer’ or ‘meditation’. This connection with your ‘inner self’ is vital for your growth and learning. As you connect with the stillness between thoughts, you feel refreshed and re-charged. Your fears lessen and you begin to see the ‘big picture’. That is the time to rejoice.

Watch this fantasy become your reality. You are a unique person. It is time to realize your true potential. Accept that the power of your thoughts can create your new reality. Accept that your future lies in your own hands. Intentionally direct your thoughts in such a way that you create the best experiences for yourself. Concentrate your thoughts on all that you ‘want’ and not on what you ‘don’t want’. Don’t say, “What is wrong with today? What problems do I face? What is to become of me?” Change the lyrics of your song to, “What is right with today? What opportunities are knocking at my door? What am I grateful for?”

Thoughts can be reversed like a reversible jacket. You need to remember to wear the other side of this reversible jacket. That side is more becoming of you. Talk yourself into reversing your thoughts and notice what happens to your day. Soon your ordinary, regular life will become extra-ordinary and custom-made!

The fear of failure is the most important thought that we must change. Failure happens. It is a part of life. In order to move ahead, we need to remove the stigma we have placed on failure. We must understand that failure isn’t an end. Failure simply means, ‘go back and try again.’ It is not the dead-end to a path. We can always turn around and retrace our steps. But we can do that only if we change our thoughts.

As long as we keep turning to the external world for validating our worth and for guiding us in choosing the direction of our life, we will remain stuck in our old patterns. We need to tune into our internal world and ask how we should act or react, what we should value, and what we should do with our lives; especially when we come to a fork in the road of our life’s journey and can not see any street signs.

Usually we choose the path dictated by our external world. Sometimes this path leads us to our destination but more often than not, after a few days, weeks, months, or years we notice an uneasy feeling in our body. Something about our path doesn’t seem right. At times like these do you back up and retrace your steps? Do you return to that fork in the road and choose differently? If it is a small choice, such as choosing a wardrobe or a diet plan, it is easy to retrace our steps, but if it is a major life choice such as a course of study, a job, or marriage, retracing the steps becomes slightly more difficult.

We can make wise choices only when we ‘think’ wisely. We need to get rid of the fear of choosing wrongly. Blame and self-shame are two ‘thought records’ which continuously play in our mind and sabotage our lives. We either keep blaming others around us for our choices or keep shaming ourselves for choosing a path that is not productive. We keep walking the wrong path, trying to make it work for us, blaming and self-shaming as we go, rather than reversing our direction by making a different choice.

We forget that we create our own reality. We forget that our thoughts create our experiences. We forget that we need to do some inner re-choosing for our outer world to change.

There are no perfect answers to all our problems. But if we are clear that we do not wish to complicate our lives, we need to simplify our thought process. We need to cut down on mindless activities and meaningless interactions. We need to listen to our heart’s guidance and desires. We need to cut down the superficial and embrace what is real.

It is not very easy to do though. In this process you will find your old beliefs, thought patterns and fears rise up every now and then, attempting to keep you mired in mediocrity. That is the time to examine your thought process and embrace empowering beliefs wholeheartedly. Let the trust in yourself become the guiding force in your life. However hard it may be to disentangle yourself from the grip of your fears, you can do it. All you need is a sincere intent and a willingness to create a new life for yourself.

You can have anything you want in this world, just harness the power of your thoughts and EXPECT success!!

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Tune into Success

Would you like to be more successful than you are right now? Would you like to be free from the stress of performance forever? We become receptive to success when we embrace a state of relaxation. The more we relax and surrender through our stress, the more our energy field expands and opens up. This expanded energy field attracts more success into our life.

When we relax, fears disappear and grace appears. The energy of relaxation carries a high vibration which instantly shifts us into a receptive state. In this state we allow the universe to accede to our request for success. On the other hand, we automatically repel all the good which is knocking at our door when we are under stress. The energy of stress blocks any success that we otherwise may attract. Hence our power lies in our ability to relax!! Claim this power by going infinitely deeper into relaxation and allow the burden of performance to be lifted from your life forever. Remember, as we change the inner attitude of our mind, the outer aspects of our lives change automatically.

The best part is that anyone can learn to relax. It is not a difficult process. In fact it is our natural state. No wonder it feels so good when we relax! In order to experience relaxation all we need to do is tap into that part of ourselves which is always relaxed. Have you ever consciously connected with this part? This connection is very easy too; we simply have to decide to let ourselves relax!!That is all. So just breathe, let go, and remind yourself that this moment is all that you have for now. Make a schedule for relaxation. Claim your space. Affirm to yourself, ‘The more I relax, the more success I attract.”

Here are three basic techniques to help you relax:-

• Whenever you notice yourself worrying about success in any field, just stop whatever it is that you are doing and pay attention to your breath. Start deep breathing. Breathe in through your nose and breathe out through your mouth. The very act of breathing anchors you into your body. Take a moment right now and take 3 deep breaths. With each in-breath, breathe in relaxation, and with each out-breath, release any stress or tension you may have. Do you notice a feeling of deep peace in your body? Breathe deeper and breathe out all the thoughts and emotions that you're stressed about. Breathe until you can feel the peace. Let this glorious energy of peace seep into you. You deserve this and much more!! This peace will center you, and automatically re-open your energy field to receive the abundance of success that is waiting for you.

• Another powerful way to open up your energy field lies in your ability to express gratitude for all the success that you have experienced so far. Energy of gratitude can be very very relaxing. Gratefulness instantly shifts the energy in every cell of our body. As we flood our body-mind with gratitude, we begin to feel complete and whole at a deeper level. When we are grateful we realize that there is a lot to be grateful for in our lives. We stop feeling like a failure. When we do not express gratitude, we stay in a state of lack. This state creates stress in our body-mind. Connecting with deep feelings of gratitude makes us feel that everything is already perfect exactly as it is. We realize that manifesting more success is not the most important thing in our life. This concept releases us from the burden of expectations, and on one level instantly makes us feel free! So every time you begin to strive for more success in your life, just stop for a moment... and be grateful for what you already have. You'll see how effortlessly you will attract more success if you are being grateful for it.

• The third technique is to visualize being successful. The process of visualization (which is also known as day-dreaming) supports our entire body-mind in relaxing. It creates a blue-print for success in our subconscious mind. When we create a mental movie of what our success story looks and feels like, our subconscious believes that this mental movie is our current reality; as the subconscious mind does not know the difference between reality and imagination. Imagine biting into a fresh lime; do you feel the sourness on your tongue? Visualization makes your mind believe and know that you are already successful right now; your whole body relaxes in its wake and simultaneously starts magnetizing what you want in your life. The key to a highly effective visualization lies in connecting strong feelings to the pictures that you create in your mind. Take a moment right now and see yourself manifesting what you desire. Feel the strong positive feelings this imagery creates. Yes, success is not something to acquire, it is something to tune into!!!

So relax and instantly create a successful state of mind easily and effortlessly. You will shape-shift your reality in less than 30 days! Simply relax and allow yourself to feel, know and attract an abundant successful life!!!

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