Decipher Body Language

Body language is the unspoken communication we use in our face to face encounter with people. Communication experts tell us that our words convey only 7% of our thoughts and feelings; rest is conveyed by our body language. Body language makes or mars our chances in job interviews, networking, and social meetings.
While it is important to be aware of our own body’s communication, we can use our knowledge of body language to decipher what others are conveying without saying anything.

Here are some guidelines that you could use to understand other people’s non-verbal communication:

• Notice the distance the other person is keeping from you. If s/he is too close, he is pushy or in your face. If too far away, he is aloof, distant and standoffish.

• Watch the angle of his body. If he is friendly and interested in you, his body will lean towards you. On the contrary, if he is leaning backwards, he is cold and unfriendly.

• Look at his arms. If they are crossed over his chest, he is defensive and wants you to stay away from him.

• Look at his eyes. If he is looking into your eyes, he respects you and is interested in what you are saying. If he is looking down, he is either shy or deceitful. He may be lying to you. If he is looking at his watch or thinking of what to say next, he is not interested in your talk.

• Look at his head. If it is leveled, he is confident and knows his importance. If his head is tilting to one side he is friendly and interested in you.

• Look at his lips. If they are pursed or twisted, he is either thinking carefully about what you said or disagrees with you but is holding back his comment. He is certainly not very pleased with you.

• Look at his hands. If he is fiddling with something, he is clearly nervous.

• Look at his legs. If he is shuffling from one leg to the other, he is impatient.

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Achieve your dreams

All of us have a dream. This dream matters to us and we intend to achieve it. But as we live our lives unexpected events pose many challenges on our path. The economy, education, illness and reality ask us to stop dreaming and start focusing on what is already there in our life. And, yet, we can’t let go of our dream.

If you are one such person with a dream in your heart and a will to achieve it, follow these guidelines:-

• Become comfortable with uncertainties. True creation happens out of uncertain times.
• Know that you were created to create. Allow time and space for this to occur.
• Have extraordinary faith and take action on what is important to you. Don’t wait for any assurances or guarantees.
• Relax. As you relax, your ego with its agenda, fears and doubts will slip away.
• Learn to become empty. As you empty your cup, it can be filled again with better stuff.
• Become aware that it is more powerful to move toward what you want than move away from what you don’t want.
• See all points of view, all sides, and new perspectives regarding your dream.
• Have the courage, clarity and commitment to share your dream and ideas to empower others.
• Think of making the world a better place.
• Live in integrity. Keep your agreements with yourself and others.
• Develop a purpose, mission, vision, calling and dream in many areas of your life.
• Believe in yourself and your dreams.
• Say ‘yes’ to all opportunities that come your way.

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Success sutras

No molly-coddling. Be a little hard-hearted with yourself.

• Do not stand any nonsense.
• Do not accept excuses.
• Move on without regret. Free your heart.
• Do not berate yourself for something you did or didn’t do.
• Do not spend time trying to undo your every action or inaction.
• Do not waste time wishing you had done this or that.
• Be responsible.
• Do not play the blame game with yourself.
• Be aware of every opportunity that comes your way.
• Do not keep re-visiting the past. Live in the now.
• Get on with your life.
• Don’t hold yourself back.
• Be forward moving.
• Stop looking back.
• If you need to apologize to someone, do it now.
• Give yourself credit for all that is working in your life.

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Improve Your Focus to Achieve Success

It has been said that the main reason people fail in achieving their goals is because of their broken focus. Unless we have a laser like focus on whatever it is that we do/want, it is more than likely that we won’t achieve it. In fact what we will gain instead is a state of frustration and confusion.

How can we increase our focus and get rid of frustration and confusion? Before we understand that, we need to ask ourselves a few questions.

• Do you really know what you want? Do you want to know it?
• Do you live with vague wants; such as ‘I want to be successful; I want to be rich; I want a good life; etc?
• Are you scared of making a decision? Is it because of the fear of not being able to achieve it?
• Are you afraid of making mistakes?
• Do you believe in yourself?
• Are you telling yourself, “There is no point wanting that, I’ll never get it?”
• Are you aware that your beliefs create your reality?
• Are you scared that if you went for what you want, you will have to leave a lot of things behind?
• Are you so caught up in doing what others want from you that you have forgotten what you want for yourself?
• Does your happiness depend upon other people’s happiness?
• If someone asks you a simple question like, ‘what would you like for dinner?’ Do you find yourself saying, “It doesn’t matter?” Is that how you are treating your life with, ‘it doesn’t matter’?
• Have you given up on yourself?

Your answers to these questions will reveal a lot about your focus. If you are not focused enough, the following tips will help:

• Be clear about what you really want in/from life. You truly have everything that you need to achieve your dreams right inside you. You can achieve any goal provided you are focused and ready to work with your subconscious. You can train yourself for success. You can get most out of yourself and your inner powers. You can make your life easy and fulfilling. All you have to do is decide what is important to you and come up with a plan to achieve it.
• Making a decision now doesn’t mean that you can’t change your mind ever. In fact, an increased focus will let you see clearly if this is what you really want.
• Writing down your goal, objective and plans increases your chances of success by about 80%. The best part is that you don’t have to be clear about all the details of your plan. You only need to make a list of what you want and a general idea about how to get there. Just writing down your goal along with a sketchy plan is enough to propel you into action. They say that 80% of those who write down their goals end up achieving them. Then why is it that only about 5% people actually put their goals down in writing? Why do you think this writing down business is so effective? It is effective because when you write down your success plan, you send a message to your subconscious mind that you are ready for success. When you write it confidently, you tell the Universe that you will accept nothing less than success. This process is powerful as it sends a powerful message to your subconscious mind to get going with the plans and modify them as and when required. This process is known as co-creation. In this way you co-create success, in partnership with your subconscious mind.
• Break up your big goal into smaller bits. Increase your focus step by step. How about increasing it by about 2% every day? You can do it.
• Collect your scattered energies. If you focus on too many things at the same time, your focus can’t be laser sharp.
• Get rid of the ‘I don’t know’ syndrome. You better know what you want. If you keep saying ‘I don’t know’, your brain will begin to agree with you. Perhaps you don’t know what you want because you have never really thought about it. Think about it now. Most of us plan our vacations and our parties more thoroughly than we plan our lives.
• Remember, focus leads to smart actions which lead to an improved momentum. It makes us shine in our chosen sphere.

So get focused, decide what you truly want to achieve and send right signals to your subconscious mind.

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Being The Best We Can Be

Each one of us wants to be/ do/ have better than we currently are/do/have. We want to be smarter/ happier/ richer/ thinner/ wittier/ more successful/ more lovable and more popular than we are right now. We want to do better in studies, jobs and relationships. We want to have better jobs, bank balances, cars, gadgets, and lives; and why not? Why should we settle for something less than we can be/ do/ have? We must fulfill ourselves and live up to our highest potential.

Why is it that we don’t achieve our highest potential? It is because we don’t operate out of mature, adult judgment. It is because we don’t take the most appropriate course of action. It is because we don’t make intelligent, considered choices in our best interest. It is because we operate out of some outdated attitudes that we acquired in our formative years. It is because we don’t question our immature attitudes. It is because we don’t know what damaging thoughts are lurking right below the level of our conscious awareness. Yes, our subconscious attitudes make us behave in a certain manner. The reality is that we are not in control of our attitude; our attitude controls us. We are not even consciously aware of our pre-dispositions and attitudes.

How can we take corrective measures in order to be the best we can be? Here are some pointers:

• Don’t compare yourself with your more successful friends and relatives. This comparison confirms your underlying beliefs of inferiority and inadequacy.
• Don’t criticize yourself for your imperfections. Your criticism strengthens your painful thoughts about your inadequacy.
• Don’t remain unhappy. While thinking of living a better life, remain happy with whatever you have. This seems like a paradox, but it is the primary mantra for achieving a better life. Being happy increases your energy field and attracts opportunities towards you.
• Don’t lose self-respect. Always love and respect yourself. Make a list of your qualities that you can respect and love yourself for.
• Don’t wear a false mask. Be honest about your feelings. If you are feeling unworthy, accept this feeling.
• Don’t be discouraged by setbacks. Setbacks are a part of life. They only help you in learning from your mistakes. Don’t take your failures personally. Everyone fails at something at some point or the other in their lives.
• Don’t feel unworthy of success. Each one of us deserves to have a great life.
• Don’t shun so called ‘bad’ experiences. In life both good and bad happens. Accept both with equanimity.
• Don’t try to control others. Live and let live.
• Don’t look for security. Security is an illusion. Anything physical is not permanent. Look for growth and evolution instead.
• Don’t remain anxious about the results of your efforts. The results will be seen at the right time. Keep doing your work with faith and commitment.
• Don’t think of yourself as better than or less than others. Each one is a unique individual capable of achieving the best.
• Don’t unnecessarily try to please others. Be pleasant with all.
• Don’t withdraw into yourself. Remain open and friendly with all.
• Don’t rebel against authority. Be amiable. Put your point across amicably.
• Don’t be too submissive. Have self-respect.
• Don’t blame others for your problems. Take complete responsibility for all that you have in your life.
• Don’t criticize others. It lowers your vibrations and attracts criticism of your actions. Criticism of any kind always re-bounces back to you.
• Don’t plan and schedule ‘everything’ in advance. Keep room for uncertainties. Welcome uncertainties in your life.
• Don’t see life in terms of ‘always’ and ‘never’; ‘right’ and ‘wrong’; ‘black’ and ‘white’; ‘winner’ and ‘loser’. Follow the middle path.
• Don’t always think of winning an argument. Arguments can never be won. Accept others’ point of view but follow your own truth.
• Don’t be stubborn. Listen to others.
• Don’t defend yourself. You don’t have to prove anything. If someone doesn’t agree with you, so be it.
• Don’t feel responsible for others. Your primary responsibility is to yourself. Help others become responsible for themselves.
• Don’t evaluate others on the basis of external appearances. Things are not always as they seem. Respect everyone.

It takes courage to be the best we can be, but the rewards are well worth the effort. Remember, you are worth it!!!

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The Power of Purpose

How many of us live truly purposeful lives and how many just drift along, always trying to fit in with the trends; living life on others’ terms? A lack of an individual or collective purpose makes us feel inadequate, helpless and powerless. Lao Tzu, a famous Chinese philosopher living over 2500 years ago had said, “The biggest problem in the world today is that individuals experience themselves as powerless.” We haven’t progressed much on this count in these two and a half millenniums. We still feel helpless, negative, lethargic, frustrated, and resentful. We often live in fear, enslaved by our circumstances, which we think are beyond our control. All these are signs of powerlessness. Our efforts to achieve success in any field are sabotaged by powerlessness as it breeds negativity, helplessness and inertia.

True power comes with purpose. It brings an inner awareness, an inner state of being in control; an inner knowing that we can achieve our goals. It brings a calm conviction about our true identity. It makes us believe that we can achieve all that we set out to achieve in life. It gives us a quiet confidence in our abilities. It helps us set a direction for our life. It makes us distinguish among circumstances over which we have some control and over which we have no control. This power makes us define ourselves from inside out. It makes our internal space a positive one. From this space, our internal dialogue always moves us towards self confidence. We constantly keep affirming, “I am a capable person. I can handle all life challenges with élan. I am creative. I learn from all my mistakes. Etc. etc.”

Mahatma Gandhi is a shining example of a person who used the power of purpose in the most effective manner. He held no political office. He didn’t possess great wealth. He was a small, frail, scantily clad man, who took on the might of the British Empire and drove the erstwhile rulers without firing a single shot. How did he achieve this supposedly impossible goal? He could do it with the power of purpose; the power which can move mountains and achieve miracles.

How can we cultivate this power in our lives? This power comes with a vision for our future. It comes when we open up to new possibilities. It comes when we nurture our inherent strengths. Yes, each one of us has been granted numerous gifts by nature/ God/ Universe/ Spirit/ Energy/ Intelligence…….whatever name you may call it. Ask yourself, “What are the blessings/ gifts/ powers that I have been blessed with so far?” Make a list of these blessings. Your list could include a safe and secure home, loving family, fresh drinking water, plenty of food, good health, sound mind, education, employment, friends, freedom from life threats, talents, abilities etc.

Once you have made this list, you are ready to ask the next question. Ask yourself, “Why have I been given all these gifts? What is the purpose?” This is a very important question, so let the answer come in from deep inside you. For some the purpose could be to experience love, joy, beauty, and aliveness. For some others it could be sharing the gifts and supporting others in living joyful, authentic lives. Some may be inclined to create conditions where everyone can live with inner security and peace. Some may wish to understand more about the human nature and human experience. There can be as many purposes as there are people, since each one of us is unique, with our unique bouquet of gifts and talents!

Once you have identified your most compelling purpose you are ready for the final question. Ask yourself, “How am I going to use my gifts to the fullest? What actions do I need to take today in the direction of my life’s purpose? How can I align my gifts with the purpose I have identified?” Whichever way you may frame this question, but the answer to this question will give you the power of purpose. This answer will make you look at each moment as an opportunity to march forward on your chosen path.

So go ahead, ask these questions, honestly answer them and find your power of purpose. This power will propel you towards dizzying heights of success in any chosen field…….because this field will be in alignment with who you are!!!!

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Why do you want what you want?

Anyone who wishes to improve his/her lot has to be very clear on what s/he wants from life. This clarity of intention is the most important step in manifesting your desires. Writing all your wants on a piece of paper helps further in giving absolute clarity to your thoughts; but what actually clinches the deal is a simple three letter question word, ‘WHY’.

We have to be absolutely clear on why we want what we want. Why do you want more money? Why do you want to become an IAS officer? Why do you want to get 95% marks? Why do you want to write a book? Why do you want to build a house? Why? Why? Why? Keep your focus on why you are doing what you are doing. If your focus is not right, you will give up your dreams at the first possible obstacle that comes in your way. Ever wondered why 90% of people fail at improving their lot in life? This is the reason; they don’t keep their focus on the ‘why’. They are not clear why they want what they want. They don’t know the real benefits. They are just following the herd mentality. Are you one of them?

Our problem is that we get stuck in ‘how’. How will I study? How will I clear the entrance exam? How will I get there? How will I get a job? How will I get a promotion? Etc. We keep asking, “How will I do this? How will I do that?” These ‘hows’ make us anxious. They keep us worried. They make us waste energy in trying to figure out how we will accomplish things. All this wasted and ill-focused energy only pushes away our desires and dreams further. We feel disheartened when we don’t get any answers to our hows.

Our sub-conscious mind is very literal. It needs to be convinced that what you dream about is what you really want. It needs to be told about it in unambiguous terms. So what is it that you truly want? Not what you think you ‘should’ want or what others want for you? If you are still talking about, “I have to do this. I should do this. This is the done thing. This is in vogue now. I must do this. This is the only way to achieve success. My parents want me to do this. This was my father’s dream. Etc”, your subconscious will resist you. It will give you all the logical reasons as to why you can’t do this. But if your focus has been on ‘why’ you desire something and you are very clear about it, your subconscious will work as a willing partner in bringing your dreams to fruition.

Your focus on why you want something will keep you motivated to work towards your goal. Temporary setback will not bother you. You will remain committed until you achieve your goal. This strategy has worked for thousands of people and it will work for you. You may have a different desire than others do but the underlying principles remain the same for all. So tell me, “Why do you want what you want?”

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Magnetize your Thoughts

I get a lot of feedback on my columns and most of it is from youngsters. Quite a few of them ask me how to concentrate on their studies. I tell them about focus, deep breathing and meditation. Those of you who have taken my advice and have practiced concentration in some form, viz., meditation, prayer, contemplation etc, know what it is like to quiet your mind. Those of you, who have never formally practiced doing it, have been indulging in it while day-dreaming, or being in deep thought. Yes, whether consciously or unconsciously, each one of us accomplishes concentration and focus sometime or the other. What we are not generally aware of is the fact that we generate an electro-magnetic field of attraction or repulsion with our thoughts, through the release of hormones and chemicals from our endocrine system. More focused we are, stronger is this electro-magnetic field. Stronger the electro-magnetic field, better the attraction of our desired goals towards us.

Our thoughts originate in the brain but travel through every cell of our body. They produce micro-electrical charges (we experience this charge as feelings) in our neural passages. These electrical charges are magnetic in character. These magnetic waves attract all our life experiences to us. They also repel some events/people/situations from our experience. Thus we create our life circumstances.
Most of our thoughts are sub-conscious, which means that they operate below our conscious awareness. These thoughts hold great power and by default run/ ruin our lives. Whether we like it or not, these thoughts too travel through the positive/negative receptors of our cells. These thoughts too initiate release of peptides from our endocrine glands. These thoughts too produce electric charges and become magnetic. The truth is that our subconscious thoughts unconsciously drive our choices.

Now you understand the reason for the gap between your conscious desires and unconscious life choices that you make. If you have desired something and not achieved it as yet, please examine your sub-conscious thoughts. Look at the separation between your unconscious thoughts and your conscious desires. For example, you may desire to become a doctor, you are studying for the entrance exams, but your subconscious thoughts go like, ‘I am not doctor material. MBBS entrance is really tough. I will have to study for 8 years before I can establish my practice. I don’t really like blood and stuff…..etc. etc.’ with this train of thoughts, you will attract tough question papers and you will repel your chances of securing a seat. Success comes to us only when our conscious desires are in sync with our subconscious choices!!

When we become aware that every thought we think (whether consciously or unconsciously) operates at levels we are not aware of (through an electro-magnetic field), we understand how we are creating our reality in each moment. This awareness is our moment of Truth. This awareness empowers us to take complete charge of our lives.

Each thought produces a combination of brain waves in each moment, yet we can choose to focus on one brain wave over another at will. Most of the times, our operating frequency produces endless programs of fear, doubt and limitation! These are the programs that usually run/ruin our lives. When we are more focused on our work, we think fewer thoughts. In this state, we can control our thoughts to a greater extent.

Our mind is designed in such a way that it can’t hold two thoughts at the same time. Try thinking about two things together. You can’t do it. The more persistent thought will displace the weaker thought. By using this property to your advantage, you can concentrate on thoughts of success, prosperity, compassion and joy. Over a period of time your old thinking patterns will simply dissolve through lack of use.

We can access our power by letting our wants and desires regulate our thinking. We can also be in tune with the micro-electric charges produced by these thoughts, through our feelings. Good feelings tell us that we are magnetizing good in our lives. Bad feelings tell us that we are repelling our good and attracting the un-desirable into our lives. It is that simple. By staying in tune with our feelings we can monitor our thoughts, and choose empowering thoughts. The feelings let us have a conscious access to our subconscious thought processes. They can help us de-link from our limiting, fearful thoughts and cultivate positive, magnetic thoughts!!!

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Learn to Listen

The biggest complaint of parents these days is that their children don’t listen to them. This habit of ‘not listening’ carries on until someday some soft skills instructor teaches them ‘how to listen’. I believe that the first duty you have towards yourself is to listen: listen to everything around you, including that small voice which speaks from within. Listening is an art and if learnt well it unleashes a creative force in us.

We all like people who listen to us; because when someone gives us a patient hearing we feel that s/he understands us. Don’t you like to be listened to? The need to be understood is the most basic human need. Then why is it that this need remains unfulfilled in most of us?

Listening involves a lot more than just our two ears. Ears only ‘hear’. Hearing is influenced by our conditioning, our opinions, and our belief systems, hence, most of the times we hear what we wish to hear. The words spoken by another pass through many layers of filters before reaching our mind which takes cognizance of them, and like the game of ‘Chinese Whispers’, what the mind finally deciphers is very different from what the speaker had meant to convey. This gap in the spoken and heard words leads to misunderstandings, disharmony and conflicts in our lives.

So how is listening different from hearing? Listening is an ‘inner’ process. It moves beyond hearing. It knows no words. We cannot listen to others unless we learn to listen to ourselves. Our inner self is constantly communicating with us through our feelings, thoughts and emotions. This communication is known as in-tuition, which means instruction from within.

Since we are not taught to listen to this inner voice it keeps interrupting us whenever we want to listen to the external sounds. This inner voice carries our inner compulsions, deepest fears, desires and needs. When we don’t pay heed to these, we remain restless and unhappy with ourselves and hence with others, especially the ones closest to us. We become emotionally challenged (low E.Q) and start playing petty games with each other. We start longing for others to listen to us. We start looking for praise and applause. We start harboring envy and malice.
To be able to truly listen we need to train ourselves to go beyond hearing. We need to involve our heart along with our ears. When we learn to listen to our own deepest truths, we can listen to those of others as well. Listening helps us discover ourselves and others.

Listening begins with deep contemplation. In order to truly listen we need to drop our masks and disguises. We need to free ourselves of our self-imposed inhibitions. The more we listen to our inner instructions the more aware we become of the outside world.

So wake up and listen, you will find someone who understands you; someone who is ready to guide you and show you the way towards fulfillment in life!!! Just Listen……………

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Competent Managers

How do we distinguish competent managers from incompetent ones? Here are some traits that all competent managers share and which make them more interesting, more respected and more admired:

• Good communication skills: All competent managers convey the organizational needs in a clear and concise manner. They do not indulge in nasty, negative miscommunication. People who are careless in their communication have difficulty being competent!

• Strong leadership capabilities: Competent managers earn respect by demonstrating positive leadership. They not only take charge of their departments but also of their personal lives effectively.

• Good relationships: Competent managers solicit co-operation from their superiors, peers and subordinates by regularly interacting with them. They believe in dealing with people as though they will deal with them for the rest of their lives; building long-term relationships. Such treatment of people makes the work flow harmoniously. All that they do is express politeness, consideration, and gratitude; the rest gets taken care of.

• Hard work: Competent managers lead from the front. They inspire others by personal examples. They work hard so that others may work hard as well. They elicit admiration by putting in maximum work. They always do their best and honor others who do the same.

• Effectiveness: Competent managers do not ask others to do what they themselves would not do in the first place. They make others follow them by making the work environment as comfortable as possible. They make an impact upon others with their care.

• Others first: Competent managers understand that if one wishes to learn anything rather well, he has to teach that to others; so they commit themselves to developing winning teams. As they help develop others by teaching them, they themselves keep getting better.

• Self-development: Competent managers develop and improve themselves constantly. They take good care of their body, mind and emotions.

• Willingness to change: Competent managers are ever willing to change, adapt and grow with the times. By being willing to change they expand in knowledge, wisdom, joy and awareness.

• Integrity: Competent managers understand that maintaining integrity is the most important step. They believe in themselves, take a position and stand by it. They take a stand even when they know that they can’t please everyone and may even alienate some in the process. Competent managers always have a point of view. They stand up for what they believe in; stand down from a position of compromise and stand back from something that doesn’t feel right.

Are you a competent manager? Test yourself on above parameters.

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Being Good Enough

If there is one thing common amongst all of us, it is our lack of satisfaction with what/who we are. The sentence, ‘I am not good enough’ hangs about in our subconscious like a prison sentence, waiting to be invoked at a short notice. Yes, this sentence, keeps us imprisoned in under-confidence. Whether we look confident or not, whether we feel confident or not, whether we are proficient in our work or not, whether we look gorgeous or not; none of this matters as at some point or the other in our daily lives we feel ‘less than enough.’ This applies across board to all human beings, only the degree/sphere of under-confidence varies.

Why is it the way it is? The primary reason is that most of us don’t really believe in our inherent strengths. There is always a ‘yes, but…..’ about our abilities. We invariably fail to discover our genius and recognize our gifts. More often than not we fail to take a ride into the unknown possibilities our life offers. So, how can we correct all that? We can do it by taking charge of ourselves. We can do it by loving ourselves for who we are. We can do it by becoming our own leaders and believing in our capacity to grow. One doesn’t have to be ‘born’ a leader to lead oneself. You can become your own leader by just choosing to do so. After all leadership is a learnable skill!

To be your own leader, you must be able to envisage your own bright future. You can do this by reminding yourself that there is something in you which is better than what you are displaying right now. The more vividly you can ‘see’ your bright future, more excited you will become about your abilities. Your excitement will attract your great picture towards you. This excitement will boost your productivity, change your behavior and greatly motivate you. Excitement almost always works in making one feel good about oneself!

Once you have tuned into the picture of this bright future, keep re-enforcing it from time to time. Visualize this picture every night for at least 15 minutes. Get really excited every time you do that; let your heart race and let your pulse pound! The more vividly you can visualize your dreams, more real they will become and more fulfilled you will feel. A person who can’t get genuinely excited about him/herself cannot be satisfied with what s/he is and can’t achieve anything worthwhile.

Another sure shot way to feel good about yourself is by taking care of your needs; both physical and emotional. Start each day with gratitude for who you are and what you are capable of doing. Learning new things also makes one grow and feel more alive; so learn something new every day. Also take out time to engage in activities that you enjoy. Moments of joy increase our confidence levels. When we are in a happy frame of mind, we feel more positive about ourselves and the world around us.

Embrace your imperfections. No one is perfect in all areas of their lives at all times. Each one of us is unique and our uniqueness is our strength. Remember to make yourself the number one person in your life, because if you don’t feel like number one to yourself, you won’t give your best to anyone or anything. Tell yourself, “I am worth it”, and feel worthy of being you! Never forget that you are more than good enough………for you and your loved ones!

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Time to Blossom

Have you ever done any gardening? If you have, you know that each flower is different and unique. It has its own time for sowing; its requirements of water, manure, sunlight are different and it flowers at its own time as well. A gardener doesn’t ever try to make a flower bloom before its time, and even if s/he tried, the flower won’t oblige. Even amongst one particular species, there are some flowers that bloom early, most bloom together but some are the last ones to blossom. The ones that bloom early wither early as well. We can comment on their blooming schedule but can’t really do anything about it.

The same truism applies to us humans as well. The only difference is the sword of expectations hanging over our heads. Everyone expects something from us; be it our parents, teachers, siblings, colleagues, spouses, society, city, or nation. We ourselves expect a lot from us; so unlike the flowers we remain under stress to perform or else!!! No one knows the answer to ‘or else’ but everyone is fearful of this fear of the unknown.

In this melee of expectations we lose our self identity. We stop listening to our inner voice. Julie Cameron, an American filmmaker, says, “The voice of our original self is often muffled, overwhelmed, even strangled by the voices of other people’s expectations.” She is absolutely right.

Most of us unconsciously believe that we are unworthy or defective pieces of creation. This belief gets formed very early in our lives, when our parents or teachers disapproved of our behavior, demands, desires and wishes. It was then that we decided to be good; but ‘to be good’ is equated with following the practiced norms in our society. In order to become good we lose our uniqueness. We start behaving and acting exactly as the significant people in our life demand; because we look up to them, because we want them to love us.

Examine your current beliefs now. Have they helped you become what you wanted to become? If not then it is time to drop those beliefs. It is time to let go of our masks and express our uniqueness. In doing so we may behave differently than people expect from us, but we will be expressing our deep authentic nature.

For all this time, you have protected the seed inside you. Now it is time to plant it, water it, nourish it, and let it flower. Flowering is not in your hands though…..Even the Master Gardener knows it….and He waits patiently for you to blossom in your complete glory!!!!

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Who Am I?

Most of us want to know the purpose of our lives. We want to know what we must do to achieve success. In my experience, there is only one question that we should be asking in order to achieve our highest potential, and that question is ‘who am I?’
Yes, this is the most important question in life. At various stages of our life this question will elicit a different answer but that will be our truth at that time. And we cannot succeed at anything unless we follow our truth.

The truth is that we are unique being. Without us there would be something crucial missing from the Universe. Without us the world would not be the same. You may feel as insignificant as a drop in the ocean but the truth is that you have the power of the ocean inside you.

Most people believe that we are in this world to ‘do’ something, because we are repeatedly told by our environment that we need to ‘do’ better and better in our studies and in our jobs otherwise we will lose out to others. This kind of environment creates fear inside us. This fear makes us ask these questions, “What am I to do? What is my purpose in life?” This fear propagates all our ills. We feel small, insignificant, of no consequence and worst of all, a failure! If we keep focusing on ‘doing’ we miss the entire point of existence which is ‘being’; being comes naturally to everyone, if only we pay enough attention and ask the right question, ‘who am I?’.

A mango tree doesn’t try to do anything to produce mangoes. The grass doesn’t try to grow. Fish don’t try to swim. They do these things as a part of their being; it is their natural expression. Since we are unique ‘beings’ (also human ‘beings’) we too carry a unique natural expression. Given time and suitable conditions this natural expression flowers and comes to fruition, automatically. When we are being true to ourselves, success is bound to follow us. That is the law of nature.

Suppose the mango tree was not being true to itself. Suppose it wanted to produce oranges. Do you think it would succeed? It may spend its entire lifetime but it will gain nothing except frustration. Much to its chagrin it will still produce mangoes only. On the other hand, as is the natural law, a regular mango tree lives in a state of peace, energy, joy and inspiration, being what it is, and happily producing mangoes. Can we be like a regular mango tree? Sure we can!

In order to know who we are, we need to align with our truth. A part of this truth has been programmed within our being in the guise of our likes and desires. When we free the being from doing, the doing flows from a place of true power within; the power of the ocean. But unfortunately we are like that mango tree who is at war with itself, trying hard to produce oranges. It is high time we ended this war and found peace within; the peace of who we are!

Here is a small contemplation exercise that will help you find your true self:

• Sit in a comfortable position.
• Close your eyes and become aware of your body.
• Think about who you have been since you were born.
• Open up to the idea of your natural self inside you.
• Ask for inner guidance.
• Think about who you are when you are naturally at peace with yourself.
• What role would you like to play in this world?
• What types of activities bring you joy and fulfillment?
• If money and time were of no consequence, what would you rather be doing?
• After 10 minutes open your eyes and write down all your insights.

These insights will help you find the answer to the all important question, “Who am I?” This answer will help you achieve your highest potential in life. Only then can you be truly joyful, fulfilled and successful!!!

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Know what you want from life

A lot of people have been writing to me saying, ‘I don’t know what I want from life. Can you help me?’ so I decided to address this issue to a larger audience through this write up.

How can we know what we want from life? If you are asking this question it implies that you do not know yourself. No human being has ever walked the face of the earth, without ‘wanting’ something from life. In order to identify what ‘you’ want, you need to ask yourself some more questions:

What am I passionate about? This is a very important question as passion drives most people towards what they want. There may be more than one thing that you feel passionate about. Write them all down.

What am I good at? The answer to this question will lead you towards your focus.

What sparks my creativity? Each person has some creative spark. What is yours?

Do I trust myself? When you believe in yourself and your dreams you can achieve anything that you set your heart upon.

Do I deserve it? This question is related to your self-worth. Most of the times we feel that we don’t deserve what we are asking for.

What is my inspiration? Every person has at least one role model; someone who inspires them. What inspires you? When you sit down to study or go out to work, what motivates you to do so?

What do I regret not having, doing or being? When you think about your life what is it that sticks out like a sore thumb? What are your ‘what ifs......’?

What is stopping me from being myself? People perceive all kinds of difficulties or justifications for not doing something. What is your justification?

What do I fear? Our fears stop us from moving forward. Which fears are keeping you chained?

Life is a precious gift given to all of us. It is our sacred duty to honour it and not waste it on what could have been. We must grab all the opportunities that come our way; but until we know what it is that we want from life we can’t do that. It is very easy to justify our stagnant ways. It is very easy to get carried away by emotions or curse our fate. Passion and purpose must go hand in hand if we are to achieve what we truly desire from life.

Only when we know what we want from life can we lead happy, inspired, and purposeful lives.......

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Enjoy Yourself

A cousin of mine tells me an interesting story. He says that when he was a school kid, his parents told him, ‘Work hard now; when you get admission in a good college, you will enjoy yourself.’ In due course he joined a good college. Now he was told, ‘Work hard now; when you get into a good management school, you can enjoy yourself.’ Well, he got admitted into a reputed management school. This time the refrain was, ‘Work hard now; when you get a good job, you can enjoy yourself.’ He got a wonderful placement. As a young manager he was again told, ‘Work hard now; in the corporate world it is either up or out. As you move up, you will enjoy yourself.’ Currently, he is a senior V.P. with a multinational company but he hasn’t found the elusive enjoyment until now. His advice to all the youngsters is, ‘Work hard and play hard. Enjoy yourself at each step. The time once gone doesn’t come back. Work and enjoyment must walk hand in hand.’ I completely agree with him.
The fact remains that 99% of people in our world are either stuck in a job that they hate because it is giving them enough money to get by; or they are just about satisfied with their job without being completely fulfilled. Those who enjoy what they do can’t seem to make their work pay enough money to enjoy their lives. So they all remain frustrated. Where is the time to enjoy???

Most of us always remember our mother’s cooking. Why is it so? A mother always cooks with love, especially when she is cooking for her children. For her it is not just a meal, it is an offering of love and care. She enjoys cooking and feeding her children. The hand that stirs the pot makes a great difference to what is being stirred!! Similarly, when we do, whatever it is that we are supposed to be doing, with love and attention, it shows in the result. So, what stops us from doing our jobs/studies with love and attention? The biggest culprit is our mindset. How can we change this mindset?

We can change our mindset from that of ‘Chalta Hai’ to that of ‘Concentrating on one thing at a time with punctuality, order, diligence and determination’. This one thing at a time can be either work or play. Work and play are two wheels of a cart which must move in unison if we do not wish to upset the cart. This cart signifies our life and no one can tell us what to do with our lives as the right answers are right within our hearts.

You may have big dreams or small dreams; just focus on the fun of achieving them and you are halfway there!!!! Enjoy the journey……one step at a time.

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Cultivating the Power of Choice

At any given moment we are faced with two (or more than two) choices. Each choice has a consequence, whether we realize it in that moment or not. At times we end up making right choices, but there are times when we do falter. These moments are known as ‘Choice Points’, and the consequences are ‘Choice Point Events’. These choice point events are presented to us between now (the choice point) and anytime in future; but when these events do happen (come into our experience) we either blame or credit others. If there is no one to give credit to or blame, we label it as good luck or bad luck. In reality, luck is nothing but a consequence of our choices or a choice point event! If you think about it, all we really have in our life is our power to choose and all we really get are the consequences of those choices.

Making good choices is a quality we all need to cultivate in order to attract good luck. Our choices usually tell us (and the environment) what is and what is not to our liking. As we have no choice but to choose something in every moment, we end up learning from our choices. We repeat those choices which have led us to success so far and avoid those ones which have led to failure; but one undeniable truth is that choices are the ultimate expression of our free will!

How to choose remains an art to be learnt!! We must learn how to choose until we ‘get it right’. It helps us to remember 3 D’s of Discernment, Detachment and Discipline, before we make any choices.

Choices must be made with discernment because each choice has a consequence; and discernment can only be gained through our experience with choices; our successes and failures, the tragedies and triumphs of our lives, the mistakes and miracles that we encounter. The important step in making better choices is to learn from our successes and failures and do better the next time. If we can improve each time, step by step our choices become better and our lives improve.

Choices must be made with detachment. Detachment is the art of letting the will of God become our will. Complete acceptance of and surrender to His will takes a lot of faith and true faith can never let us down.

Choices must accompany discipline. Success in any area is directly linked to our discipline in pursuing it. We can’t have a successful venture without the discipline of training, policies and procedures. Discipline is bound to be the foundation of anything that we wish to achieve in this world. With detachment and discipline, we learn discernment and employ the power of our choices to good use.

Making choices based on compassion, and as empowered creators rather than from the mindset of angry, vengeful victims is important too. Only then can we truly fulfill our highest potential, not to mention, our Divine destiny!!!

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Believe You Can

You must have heard the story of a deaf frog that climbed out of a well because he couldn’t hear others telling him that it can’t be done. The other day someone told me a story about a young boy who fell asleep in his math class. He woke up as the bell rang and saw two problems written on the Blackboard. Assuming that it was the homework for the day he noted them down and labored over them through the night. After great difficulty he managed to solve one of the two problems. The next day as he showed his homework to the teacher, she was absolutely stunned as the problem the boy solved was supposed to be unsolvable.

So, how could the boy solve an unsolvable problem? Simple!! He didn’t know that it was unsolvable!!! He thought that if he didn’t solve at least one of the two problems he will be punished. If he had known that the problem couldn’t be solved, he wouldn’t have solved it. Similarly when we tell ourselves (or others tell us) that this can’t be done….that is impossible…..you can’t do it….. it’s not your cup of tea….etc etc, we start believing these as our truth; and our beliefs make them our truth. It is a vicious cycle. It is up to us whether we choose empowering beliefs or limiting beliefs. Our choices determine our destiny!!

Our beliefs act as the compass and map to guide us in attaining our goals. If we believe we can, we can; if we believe we can’t, we can’t. It is as simple as that. Our beliefs are the inner source of our outer behavior. If we make a conscious effort to change our beliefs, our lives can change. But that can happen only when we take full responsibility for our beliefs. When we realize that our success is not dependent upon anyone or anything outside of our beliefs we start paying more attention to them.

Awareness of our inherent beliefs is not a onetime thing; it is a full time commitment to remain alert to the inner dialogue going on within us. It is a 24x7 awareness of our state of mind. It is a constant monitoring of our thoughts. Only then can we change our limiting beliefs into empowering statements.

Our beliefs are a form of energy and whatever we choose to give energy to becomes stronger with time. Limiting beliefs require as much energy as empowering beliefs do; but in our current societal environment everyone places more focus on what can’t be done, what is impossible, what is wrong with us, etc. We feel that by constantly reminding a person of his shortcomings we can help him improve himself. But that is not how it works. A constant reminder of one’s weaknesses only strengthens our beliefs about what is not right with us. With time it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. It is time now to change this system and make our beliefs work for us, instead of working against us.

Problems and challenging situations are just the right times to attempt to remain aware of our beliefs and change them. These are the times to disengage from any self-defeating thought patterns. Remember, no one can help you without your full co-operation!!!! Your empowerment lies in your own beliefs!!!

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Your Thoughts Can Change Your Life

Your thoughts determine the quality of your life. You must have heard this phrase many times. (I myself have told this time and again in my columns.) But do you actually ‘believe’ in this statement? Have you tried to experiment with it in your own life? You see, unless you believe in this truth, you won’t make any effort to re-wire your thinking process. What are you afraid of? Why don’t you give it a try? What can you lose? Nothing! In fact you stand to gain a lot by researching and re-formatting your thought patterns.

The first thing to do is to break your habitual thinking patterns. Most of our thoughts get repeated day after day after day, becoming our constant reality. Suppose you were to think differently from now on, don’t you think that your so-called reality will get affected as well? Treat this challenge as an assignment and stay ready to be surprised by the results.

When you change your routine thinking patterns, you actually ‘think’ about your day-to-day decisions, instead of just habitually choosing a default mode without any consideration. When you become aware of your thoughts your choices always reflect your best interest. Most of us stay in a ‘box’ all our lives. This box is a result of our programming and conditioning. In our childhood our parents, and teachers help program this; in adulthood we continue to maintain it. Once we understand that we are the author and creator of our life, we are led to ask deeper questions, such as, “How do I create something else instead?” and “What should this ‘something else’ be?” Thinking outside your box can change your life story.

In our chosen life experience, we face many challenges. Most of the times a measure of fear governs our perceptions while dealing with these challenges. If we could stop these fear thoughts in our head for just one moment, we would discover that there is no reason to be frightened or fearful. Even when things look bleak we can look ahead with courage and hope. This looking ahead with courage and hope is a kind of ‘attention’ that can be called a ‘prayer’ or ‘meditation’. This connection with your ‘inner self’ is vital for your growth and learning. As you connect with the stillness between thoughts, you feel refreshed and re-charged. Your fears lessen and you begin to see the ‘big picture’. That is the time to rejoice.

Watch this fantasy become your reality. You are a unique person. It is time to realize your true potential. Accept that the power of your thoughts can create your new reality. Accept that your future lies in your own hands. Intentionally direct your thoughts in such a way that you create the best experiences for yourself. Concentrate your thoughts on all that you ‘want’ and not on what you ‘don’t want’. Don’t say, “What is wrong with today? What problems do I face? What is to become of me?” Change the lyrics of your song to, “What is right with today? What opportunities are knocking at my door? What am I grateful for?”

Thoughts can be reversed like a reversible jacket. You need to remember to wear the other side of this reversible jacket. That side is more becoming of you. Talk yourself into reversing your thoughts and notice what happens to your day. Soon your ordinary, regular life will become extra-ordinary and custom-made!

The fear of failure is the most important thought that we must change. Failure happens. It is a part of life. In order to move ahead, we need to remove the stigma we have placed on failure. We must understand that failure isn’t an end. Failure simply means, ‘go back and try again.’ It is not the dead-end to a path. We can always turn around and retrace our steps. But we can do that only if we change our thoughts.

As long as we keep turning to the external world for validating our worth and for guiding us in choosing the direction of our life, we will remain stuck in our old patterns. We need to tune into our internal world and ask how we should act or react, what we should value, and what we should do with our lives; especially when we come to a fork in the road of our life’s journey and can not see any street signs.

Usually we choose the path dictated by our external world. Sometimes this path leads us to our destination but more often than not, after a few days, weeks, months, or years we notice an uneasy feeling in our body. Something about our path doesn’t seem right. At times like these do you back up and retrace your steps? Do you return to that fork in the road and choose differently? If it is a small choice, such as choosing a wardrobe or a diet plan, it is easy to retrace our steps, but if it is a major life choice such as a course of study, a job, or marriage, retracing the steps becomes slightly more difficult.

We can make wise choices only when we ‘think’ wisely. We need to get rid of the fear of choosing wrongly. Blame and self-shame are two ‘thought records’ which continuously play in our mind and sabotage our lives. We either keep blaming others around us for our choices or keep shaming ourselves for choosing a path that is not productive. We keep walking the wrong path, trying to make it work for us, blaming and self-shaming as we go, rather than reversing our direction by making a different choice.

We forget that we create our own reality. We forget that our thoughts create our experiences. We forget that we need to do some inner re-choosing for our outer world to change.

There are no perfect answers to all our problems. But if we are clear that we do not wish to complicate our lives, we need to simplify our thought process. We need to cut down on mindless activities and meaningless interactions. We need to listen to our heart’s guidance and desires. We need to cut down the superficial and embrace what is real.

It is not very easy to do though. In this process you will find your old beliefs, thought patterns and fears rise up every now and then, attempting to keep you mired in mediocrity. That is the time to examine your thought process and embrace empowering beliefs wholeheartedly. Let the trust in yourself become the guiding force in your life. However hard it may be to disentangle yourself from the grip of your fears, you can do it. All you need is a sincere intent and a willingness to create a new life for yourself.

You can have anything you want in this world, just harness the power of your thoughts and EXPECT success!!

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Tune into Success

Would you like to be more successful than you are right now? Would you like to be free from the stress of performance forever? We become receptive to success when we embrace a state of relaxation. The more we relax and surrender through our stress, the more our energy field expands and opens up. This expanded energy field attracts more success into our life.

When we relax, fears disappear and grace appears. The energy of relaxation carries a high vibration which instantly shifts us into a receptive state. In this state we allow the universe to accede to our request for success. On the other hand, we automatically repel all the good which is knocking at our door when we are under stress. The energy of stress blocks any success that we otherwise may attract. Hence our power lies in our ability to relax!! Claim this power by going infinitely deeper into relaxation and allow the burden of performance to be lifted from your life forever. Remember, as we change the inner attitude of our mind, the outer aspects of our lives change automatically.

The best part is that anyone can learn to relax. It is not a difficult process. In fact it is our natural state. No wonder it feels so good when we relax! In order to experience relaxation all we need to do is tap into that part of ourselves which is always relaxed. Have you ever consciously connected with this part? This connection is very easy too; we simply have to decide to let ourselves relax!!That is all. So just breathe, let go, and remind yourself that this moment is all that you have for now. Make a schedule for relaxation. Claim your space. Affirm to yourself, ‘The more I relax, the more success I attract.”

Here are three basic techniques to help you relax:-

• Whenever you notice yourself worrying about success in any field, just stop whatever it is that you are doing and pay attention to your breath. Start deep breathing. Breathe in through your nose and breathe out through your mouth. The very act of breathing anchors you into your body. Take a moment right now and take 3 deep breaths. With each in-breath, breathe in relaxation, and with each out-breath, release any stress or tension you may have. Do you notice a feeling of deep peace in your body? Breathe deeper and breathe out all the thoughts and emotions that you're stressed about. Breathe until you can feel the peace. Let this glorious energy of peace seep into you. You deserve this and much more!! This peace will center you, and automatically re-open your energy field to receive the abundance of success that is waiting for you.

• Another powerful way to open up your energy field lies in your ability to express gratitude for all the success that you have experienced so far. Energy of gratitude can be very very relaxing. Gratefulness instantly shifts the energy in every cell of our body. As we flood our body-mind with gratitude, we begin to feel complete and whole at a deeper level. When we are grateful we realize that there is a lot to be grateful for in our lives. We stop feeling like a failure. When we do not express gratitude, we stay in a state of lack. This state creates stress in our body-mind. Connecting with deep feelings of gratitude makes us feel that everything is already perfect exactly as it is. We realize that manifesting more success is not the most important thing in our life. This concept releases us from the burden of expectations, and on one level instantly makes us feel free! So every time you begin to strive for more success in your life, just stop for a moment... and be grateful for what you already have. You'll see how effortlessly you will attract more success if you are being grateful for it.

• The third technique is to visualize being successful. The process of visualization (which is also known as day-dreaming) supports our entire body-mind in relaxing. It creates a blue-print for success in our subconscious mind. When we create a mental movie of what our success story looks and feels like, our subconscious believes that this mental movie is our current reality; as the subconscious mind does not know the difference between reality and imagination. Imagine biting into a fresh lime; do you feel the sourness on your tongue? Visualization makes your mind believe and know that you are already successful right now; your whole body relaxes in its wake and simultaneously starts magnetizing what you want in your life. The key to a highly effective visualization lies in connecting strong feelings to the pictures that you create in your mind. Take a moment right now and see yourself manifesting what you desire. Feel the strong positive feelings this imagery creates. Yes, success is not something to acquire, it is something to tune into!!!

So relax and instantly create a successful state of mind easily and effortlessly. You will shape-shift your reality in less than 30 days! Simply relax and allow yourself to feel, know and attract an abundant successful life!!!

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Focus upon Memories of Success

There is one golden universal rule that we all must pay heed to. This rule says that whatever we pay attention to grows in our lives. Going by this rule, if we were to pay attention to the past memories of success, we will invite more successes in our lives. The best part is that these successes need not be big events. Simple successes like deciding to drink a glass of milk and drinking it to the last drop, will do; as long as there is a sense of achievement in it (and not the feeling of getting over with another chore).

When you go down the corridors of past, what memories lie uppermost in your mind? If you are like most people, you may be haunted by memories of failure, betrayal, and not being good enough. If that is the case, you may understand now, why you invite more of the same in your life!!! If you were to hold and stay in memories of success, joy, bliss and happiness, you would invite more of these in your life!!

Memories of failure drain our energy and lead us to self-recrimination; while memories of success make us thrive. Examine yourself. Do you live in your memories or do you believe that the past is over and done with? If you do go back in time in your brain, where do you go? Do you remember all the horror movies that you have starred in?? Do you recall those times when you didn’t believe in yourself? Do you reflect upon those times when you said and did things which didn’t bring you much credit? If you do, you are like most of us.

But is there a different way of looking back at our lives? Can this looking back empower us? How about entertaining only those memories which remind you of your successes? What about remembering only those times when you received love and appreciation? What was the best time of your life? May be it was time spent with your family at home! May be it was your thumping report card in Class One! Perhaps it was the time you felt close to someone!! Perhaps it was some eureka moment when you connected with your inner self!! How about re-living these memories?

When we re-experience the moments of love, appreciation, joy, enthusiasm and determination, we feel light. In fact, that is when we turn on the light within us. We do this by deleting all those memories from our cells which take away our loving energy. We do this by switching over the channel: from the channel of failure to channel of success. We do this by remembering all those times when we were joyful, peaceful and successful; when we gave joy, received joy and witnessed joy. As we do this we raise our vibrations and begin to feel really good about ourselves.

The moment you allow your mind to drift into the past, let it be a good journey. The moment you allow your mind to project into the future let it be a loving future. And when you stay in the present, reap the benefit of these wonderful memories.

So what do you hold in your mind? Jot it down and find your focus……..

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Be Good to Yourself

How can you be ‘good’ to yourself? This question can be answered in just two words: No coddling! Yes, please do not coddle yourself. It doesn’t take you anywhere. On the other hand, it pays to be a little hard-hearted with your own self.

In order to elaborate my point further I have added some more words to these two words. Please apply these insights in your life if they resonate with you.

• Do not stand for any nonsense from anyone, including yourself.
• Do not accept any excuses from anyone, especially yourself.
• Move on in life without any regrets.
• Free your heart from any guilt that you may be carrying.
• Do not berate yourself for something you did or didn’t do.
• Do not spend time trying to undo your every action or inaction.
• Do not waste time wishing you had done this or that.
• Be responsible for all your actions and their consequences.
• Do not play the blame game with yourself.
• Be aware of every opportunity that comes your way and use it.
• Do not keep re-visiting the past. Live in the now.
• Get on with your life.
• Don’t hold yourself back.
• Be forward moving and stop looking back.
• If you need to apologize to someone, do it now.
• Give yourself credit for all that is working in your life.
• Be grateful for everything that you have.

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Tips to attract success

"High values offer broad vision. Broad vision gives rise to burning desire. Burning desire leads to focused intent. Focused intent stimulates committed action. Then God arranges the details!" --Wallace Huey
Sometimes success seems like an illusion and manifesting it looks like a herculean task. At times the process of manifesting our dreams confuses us, but everything becomes crystal clear once we adopt the right mindset. Here are some quick tips to help you cultivate the right mindset and become successful with ease.
• Trust: We have been brainwashed into thinking that success comes at a price. Our society makes us believe that succeeding in any endeavor is a daunting task. However, when we start placing our trust in our abilities we start noticing a clear progression of small, imperceptible changes that invariably lead us in the direction that we want to take. Trusting ourselves makes us trust in the Grand Overall Design (G.O.D.).
• Choose: Choosing positive thoughts can trigger a landslide of small and big successes. So it is better to choose thoughts of success and abundance rather than those of failure and lack. Choose to believe that success is already yours. Expect more successes to show up. Feel more successful than you actually are at this moment. And then take inspired actions to bring more success into your life.
• Prepare: Most of us believe that success is determined by fate. We tend to forget that waiting for success to happen doesn’t always bring in the desired result. Preparing for success makes one attract opportunities to succeed.
• Believe: Believe that you deserve to be successful. Make room in your lives for better circumstances than you currently have.
• Align: Align yourself on all levels with success. Clear your physical as well as mental environment of negativity.
• Invest: Invest a lot of time and energy in your goals. This investment will prevent you from giving up too easily.
• Question: Ask yourself, “Have I done all that I could do up to this point in time? Can I become more focused or committed to my goals? Do I need to take my efforts to the next level?” Answer truthfully and take necessary action.
• Multiply: Take stock of all that you have done up to this moment. Now multiply your efforts by ten. This will ensure that you don’t quit too easily.
• Don’t worry: Don’t think what others think about you. In past you may have been ridiculed, scolded, or rejected for something that you did or didn’t do. Remember that other people see you as a reflection of how you see yourself. When you are confident of your own success, others too will tend to think like that. What really matters is how you feel about yourself. So feel confident and EXPECT success!!!!

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Embrace your Imperfections

Most of us want to be ‘perfect’ in whatever we do. We lament the state of the world and feel bad about its imperfections. It is true that we do not live in a perfect world, but don’t you think it would be boring if all of us (including the world that we live in) were perfect!! Won’t we all look like robots, imitating one another? What about the merits of being an ‘individual’ as opposed to a perfect clone? The wonderful part of our world is our individuality, our uniqueness. Each of us has our own style, and personality. Our thoughts, desires, wants, dreams, aversions, likes, dislikes, successes, failures etc make us who we are. If we were all to become perfect, won’t we lose our own style which makes us special in the first place?

Oh, you don’t think your style is special, do you? Don’t you think that your personality, your core self, deep down to who you are as a soul is important? The problem is that when we look into a mirror, we tend to see our imperfections. We spot what we feel is less than perfect. The moment we do that we send out a signal to the world around us that we are not ‘good enough’ and in the process we lose our self-confidence. We forget that our imperfections represent our life experiences. We forget to see the gift in our circumstances. This failure affects our self-esteem like nothing else does.

Suppose instead of focussing on the negatives you were to see your uniqueness? Suppose you were to be proud of your imperfections; because they may seem far from ideal but they teach you the perfect lessons in your life?

Actress Lucile Ball said, “I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.” This is another way of saying, ‘take care of yourself first, because then you will be able to give your best to yourself and to others.’ How many of us follow this golden rule?

Here are some tips to take care of yourself and your self-esteem:-

• Live with energy, enthusiasm and empathy
• Play more games
• Read more books
• Sit in silence for 15 minutes everyday
• Pray more often
• Exercise more often
• Smile more often
• Don’t overeat
• Don’t compare your life with others’ lives
• Don’t harbour negative thoughts
• Don’t take yourself seriously
• Don’t gossip
• Daydream
• Forget the past
• Agree to disagree
• Be good and do good
• Forgive yourself and others
• Spend time with children and old people
• Be grateful for all that you have

And last but not the least; embrace your imperfections

Imperfect or I’mPerfect........................ change your focus to change your reality!!

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Self-Motivation

Self-motivation is the only motivation that truly works. Here are some ways to motivate yourself to achieve your optimum potential.

1. Be optimistic:- If negativity and fear are knocking you off balance, it is time to re-group and re-focus your energies. A winning mindset thrives in a positive environment. It is time to uplift, encourage, and inspire yourself. When others talk about challenges, you must talk about opportunities. When others talk about why they can’t succeed, you must give them every reason why they can. Doing this will re-enforce your own belief in yourself. Most often the difference between success and failure is only that of beliefs. Change your self-negating beliefs and be optimistic about life.

2. Be humble and hungry:- Be humble in what you seek to learn in order to grow and improve every day. Don’t let your ego come in the way. At the same time be hungry with a passion to work harder than you have ever done before. It is not the time to be laid back; now is the time to put in your best effort.

3. Welcome uncertainty:- In these uncertain times, you can’t be sure about anything. Don’t let this fact discourage you. Instead think of the best outcome for yourself; come what may! Don’t worry about the state of economy and resultant job opportunities; just follow your passion with a firm determination to succeed. Faith and belief in a positive future will make you take timely positive actions.

4. Cultivate a positive vision:- Develop a positive vision for the road ahead. Don’t let disappointments bother you. Be clear about where you have been, where you are headed and why you are headed there. Vision gives you something meaningful and valuable to strive towards. Your dream has the power to change the world for you. Always think that your best days are ahead of you, and carry on with a missionary zeal.

5. Be a hero not a victim:- Both heroes and victims face life’s challenges; both get knocked down from time to time; the difference is that heroes carry on striving while victims give up easily. Heroes learn from their mistakes while victims blame the entire world for their down fall. You have a significant control over the things in your life; do not blame your circumstances for all your ills. Learn to take responsibility of your successes and failures. Remember, your life is a story, and the story you tell yourself and the role you play in it determines the quality and direction of your life. You can overcome any adversity by telling yourself a positive story. Make your life an inspirational tale, instead of a melodramatic drama or a horror film. Instead of becoming a victim, become a hero.

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Try, try....Again

How many times do we get disheartened by our failures? How many times do we give up in the face of failure? The words of Leo Buscaglia, a professor and motivational speaker (also known as Dr. Love) ring true in my heart. He said, “To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard of life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing does nothing, has nothing, and is nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow, live and love.” Leo is asking us to dare to risk, and for that we need to try and try again, until we taste success.

Trying is an essential step to self empowerment. Trying again after failing helps us break out of structured thinking and behaviour. It helps us break through our comfort zone and barriers. Continuous endeavour helps us experience new levels of mind and feeling. Eventually we end up experiencing more of life.

A person who keeps trying again and again, even while making mistakes, leads a more honourable life than one who never ever tries to do anything. Only those people who keep trying know how far they can go. Each new trial helps us build a new relationship with our life. It helps us experience life from different perspectives. Each renewed effort helps us discover how to ‘do’ life rather than allow life to do us.

How does one become tenacious? Suppose if I don’t know what it is that I want from life, the best step I can take is to get involved with just about anything which comes my way. I would just start with first available opportunity. Soon I would know if this choice is right for me or not. If it feels right, I would go ahead with it; but if it doesn’t feel right I must have the guts to try something else. By beginning to do something I will eventually begin to gravitate towards what I really want by tweaking my interests and experiences. Finally I will line up with who I am and what I am here to do. Things will eventually fall into place. This is the power of trying until you get it right.

Do you know what invokes your passion and lights you up? If you don’t you can try doing different things and find the one which is your true calling. Most of us get trapped in the feeling of ‘wasting’ time while trying out new things; but the fact remains that no time is ever wasted, no experience is ever in vain, and no life is ever useless. Each step logically leads us to the next step; as long as we keep lifting each foot to stay in momentum. As we confidently take one step after the next, the floodgates of universal support open up for us. Following our heart and our passion puts us in alignment with our life’s purpose. However long it may take, however many failures it may encompass; we will eventually get there.

Most of you must have travelled by air. When the aeroplane moves through a layer of clouds, all you can see is just white fuzz. Your perception becomes totally limited and you can’t see the larger picture. The moment the plane comes out of the cloud range, everything becomes clearer. Suddenly a new perspective comes into your view. Sometimes the plane moves into yet another fuzzy area, and you again feel completely lost, but soon you see the same clouds floating at a lower altitude. Similarly life moves through several different layers of clouds offering us several different points from which to see our life and the events around it.

This is happening with all of us. We are moving through different levels of reality and our aeroplane is steadily climbing up. At every point when we reach a new level of doubts, it helps to look at life from a higher perspective and just carry on.
So, enjoy this ride and if you fall, simply get up, loosen up and try once again. Try, try again............until you get it right!!

HT Horizons 17/02/10

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Know what you want

Two of the most important questions that I have learnt in my life are ‘What do I want?’ and ‘How will I know when I have got it?’ These two questions have changed my entire outlook towards my life. Ask these two questions to yourself now and write down your answers.

The first question, ‘What do I want?’ invokes some soul-searching. It takes into account the fact that our human nervous system is geared for ‘goal-seeking’. All of us work more effectively if we have an objective to aim for. The aim varies at different stages of our life. What I wanted as a student is different from what I want today. So, what is it that ‘you’ want? Perhaps you want good marks, an admission into a reputed professional course, a well paying job, a great lifestyle etc. Pay attention to your answer. Is it stated in the positive or negative?
A positive goal would be ‘I want good marks’ while a negative goal would be ‘I don’t want to fail’. I want to quit smoking, I want to lose weight, or I want to stop procrastinating are all examples of negative goals. If I were to tell you to stop thinking of a blue elephant, you will find this command difficult to obey, because the moment I say ‘blue elephant’ that picture will flash in your mind. Similarly if your goal is stated in the negative, the focus of your mind will be on the wrong thing. ‘I don’t want to fail’ makes you focus on failure. By stating your goal in negative, you make things difficult for yourself. So ensure that you state your goal positively.

The second question, ‘How will I know when I get it?’ is very tricky. A student who wanted ‘good’ marks said I will know when I stand first in the class. But I prefer specific evidence. I like to know what you will see written on your mark sheet (exact percentage/grade), how will you feel (elated, ecstatic, jubilant), what will you hear (congratulations/compliments), what will you do (throw a party) etc. This exercise provides your nervous system with a graphic representation of success for a particular goal.

Ask yourself, what will you see, hear, and feel as you achieve your goal? What exactly will make you know that you have made it? As you involve all your senses into this experience, you tell your nervous system exactly what to aim for. So get your whole body and sensations involved in your goal.

Once you have done this exercise to your complete satisfaction, stand up, and take a long step (literally), imagining that you are stepping into that time in future; seeing what you will see, feeling how you will feel, and hearing what you will hear, when you have achieved your goal.

Remember your mind and your body are parts of a single system. When you involve the two in a synergetic dance, miracles can be created. Don’t take my word for it. Follow the instructions and see what happens!!

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