Discipline your Self

Gary Ryan Blair, a motivational speaker, once said, “Self-discipline is an act of cultivation. It requires you to connect today's actions to tomorrow's results. There's a season for sowing, and a season for reaping. Self-discipline helps you know which is which.”

Just like motivation, discipline cannot really be enforced from outside. It is an intrinsic quality which is very important to be cultivated in order to achieve success. We need to be self disciplined if we wish to achieve our dreams. Most people do not like the word ‘self discipline’ as they think that it restricts their freedom to do, say or think what they want to do, say or think. People tell me that they try very hard to be self-disciplined but tend to fall into old patterns because of habit. This predicament tells me that these people have not understood the true meaning of self discipline. So what does self discipline really mean? Is it about creating rigid structures/ time tables and following them religiously? To me self discipline is an intrinsic attribute that defines who we really are. It does not amount to ‘doing’ something. It is all about ‘being’ something.

The first most important step in being self-disciplined is setting a goal. To most of us goal setting means specific objectives that need to be met and smart actions that need to be taken, in a given time frame. A goal is generally supposed to be tangible and material. It is something which the intellect can comprehend as ‘success’. Of course, such goals are important; but our primary goal should always be that of attaining self discipline. Once that goal is achieved, the rest would fall in place automatically. Unless you are self disciplined your smart goals will remain unachieved. In the process, they will end up causing so much stress in your life that they will do more harm than good.

So, how can you become self disciplined? Self discipline encompasses self respect, self worth, and self responsibility. It is an amalgamation of all three. It is a shift from dependence upon others to dependence upon self. When you want to achieve success that brings money and a sense of personal satisfaction with it; it is a form of aspiration, a goal of ‘doing and having’. The goal of ‘being’ self disciplined requires introspection. This goal is ‘intrinsic’ and not driven by any external trappings. If you want to impress someone with your self-discipline, then the goal has been set by that person not you. Do you get that? Self discipline is a goal for you, by you, and about you. Its focal point must lie within you.

How will you know that you have become self disciplined? The following are the qualities of a self-disciplined person. Check them out and grade yourself:

· A self-disciplined person respects him/her self.
· A self- disciplined person takes responsibility for ‘all’ that s/he experiences in life.
· A self-disciplined person does not dissipate her/his energies by dabbling in un-productive activities.
· A self-disciplined person remains focused on the task at hand and channels all her/his energies in the right direction.
· A self-disciplined person knows exactly what s/he desires from life.
· A self-disciplined person sets high standards for her/himself.
· A self-disciplined person is open to new learning.
· A self-disciplined person produces high quality work (quality of your work is a direct reflection of how much respect you have for yourself).
· A self-disciplined person works for self development and not to impress or belittle others.
· A self-disciplined person feels worthy of all that s/he achieves.
· A self-disciplined person doesn’t play the ‘blame game’.
· A self-disciplined person doesn’t wallow in ‘victim mentality’.

Are you there or do you require some more ‘self-discipline’? Think about it and take action asap!!

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Develop your Social Skills

Developing social skills is as important as developing professional skills if we want to become well rounded individuals. These skills not only help us in our personal sphere but also play a great role in our work/study space. In fact possessing these skills is an important pre-requisite for developing self confidence.
Generally the social skills difficulties become apparent during adolescence. The same child who had happily played along with other kids suddenly starts feeling isolated. S/he can’t seem to strike friendships any more. This happens because of the changed social interaction requirements of teenagers. As a kid, all s/he had to do was take turn at certain games; but as one grows up, one needs to take into consideration a lot more than that.
As an adolescent and an adult you need to be able to grasp both verbal and non-verbal cues. You need to distinguish between literal and non-literal language. While most of us manage to make this transition, it doesn’t come easily to some of us. The worst part is that the world around us takes these skills for granted. We are just supposed to know all this as we grow up. This pressure makes some of us to give up trying and become introverts.
These introverts want to make friends and have an active social life, but they don’t know how to go about it. They fear being ridiculed or worse still, ignored. They are the ones who most often get bullied; at home, school, college and work. They are labeled as ‘weirdo’. Unfortunately when we are labeled as such, we tend to live up to these labels. Labeling people is the worst thing we can do to them.
Parents, teachers and peers just wonder, ‘why doesn’t this guy just get it?’ No one realizes that such people are suffering. Unless they are helped, the consequences can be devastating. Socially recluse people suffer from anxiety, depression, substance abuse and social isolation.
If you are one such person who feels socially isolated, you could try the following
Smile more often. Try smiling at everyone you meet.
Learn to offer help wherever needed.
Become genuinely interested in people.
Learn to actually listen to what others are saying, and ask one or two questions that show that you have been listening.
Instead of asking, ‘what is in it for me?’ Ask, ‘what can I do for you?
Look at your strengths, instead of looking at your shortcomings.
Appreciate yourself and appreciate people. Yes, you will have to say it out loud and be genuine about it. You can easily find one good thing to appreciate in everyone you meet, including yourself.
Last but not the least, love and respect yourself for what you are.

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Winners Vs. Losers

Who is a winner? To me a person, who decides to do something and then does it, is a winner. At the same time someone who decides not to do something and doesn’t do it, is equally a winner. A loser on the other hand decides to do something and doesn’t do it or decides not to do something but goes ahead and does it under external pressure or persuasion. What do you think of these definitions? Do you agree with me?
If you notice carefully, the entire matter of being a winner or loser rests on your capability to take a decision and follow it through. Decision making is a major leadership trait. All successful leaders (I am not using the word ‘manager’, as I find ‘leader’ a far better suited word for the aspiring new generation) are quick decision makers. By quick I don’t mean, in the heat of the moment; or by not thinking it through. It means to assess a situation in all its hues quickly and to take a decision based on that assessment. It is good to make quick decisions, but the most important thing is to follow these decisions through. A loser falls well short of following his decisions and seeing them to their ultimate completion.
Winners view the world as a benevolent place. To Albert Einstein’s famous thought provoking question, ‘Is this a friendly Universe?’ the winners always answer in affirmative. They feel that the world is full of great opportunities and wonderful people. Winners see the world as mainly good with some bad bits. The losers view the world as mainly malevolent with some good bits. How do you view the world? Your answer to this question speaks volumes about you and your station in life.
Winners have the habit of visualizing their future in bright technicolour details. They approve of themselves and know that they are worth much more than what they have at present. Life is an exciting adventure for them. They live it to the fullest. Losers view life as a chore. If someone casually asks them, ‘How is it going?’ they will open their box of woes. ‘Just getting along.’, ‘Life goes on.’ are standard responses. What do you think life will dole out to them? Like Aladdin’s genie, life would say, ‘Your wish is my command.’
Winners are dreamers. They dream big, because they know that today’s dreams are tomorrow’s reality. They work backwards from a future dream to the present day and make their plans to achieve their goals. Losers too dream, but they don’t back up these dreams with systematic action plan. What are such dreams called? These dreams are no more than ethereal hot air.
Winners possess another great quality- Discipline. Their discipline keeps them going during temporary setbacks. Thus they convert their ‘yearning power’ into their ‘earning power’. What do you think the losers do? When going gets tough, they hang their boots. They proclaim that the luck is not in their favour. They give up too easily.
Winners value time. They guard against procrastination, the thief of their precious commodity, their time. Losers discuss amongst themselves that they will start working one day real soon, but that day doesn’t dawn. They are unaware of the thrill of victory after a job well done. They are not willing to pay the life’s cost of admission to the big league. They do not know the enjoyment of work, their pleasures lie elsewhere. They do not put their best efforts into anything. Who would want to keep company with them?
Winners take care of their physical fitness. They know that neither their body nor their mind will work at an optimal level without it. Therefore they give attention to their habits, diet and exercise regimen.
Winners have pleasing personalities. They acquire the art of making themselves agreeable to others. They learn to negotiate with others without creating friction of any sort. They are flexible and adaptable. They harmonise with any given environment and possess necessary magnetism to attract others. Who wouldn’t want to be around such a person?
Winners understand the value of initiative. They never have to be told what to do and how to do it. They create plans and translate them into actions through their initiative. They do not need to be supervised all the time.
Motivational speaker Shiv Khera’s famous quote, ‘Winners don’t do different things, they do things differently’, is indeed very apt.
To be a winner for life, identify what your ideal life will look like. Create a compelling vision for your future. Formulate exacting goals for its achievement. Never give up on your hopes and dreams of a bright future. Overcome temporary setbacks. Look at them as great learning experiences.
Earl Nightingale, one of the earlier personal development teachers, and co-founder of the publishing house ‘Nightingale-Conant’, defined success as ‘The progressive realization of a worthy ideal.’ As long as you are ‘progressing’ towards an ideal that you think is worthy of achievement, you are succeeding. Enjoying the journey makes it all the more worthwhile. You will do well to remember that the word ‘worthwhile’ means that your goal is worth your time and energy. Think about that. Are your goals worthy of your life?
If you consider the fact that the price for your achievements is your time, which is all that you have of any real value, you will soon see the importance of having a goal that is worthy of your most prized possession. So go back over your goals and see if they meet the criteria for being worthy of you, not the other way around. If not, then maybe you need to stretch yourself and go for something of more importance to you. You will be a real winner then.
Practically speaking, your actions and your behaviour determine how your destiny will unfold. Knowing that your fate is in your hands, what are you going to do about it? Are you ready to be a winner? Remember in order to get something you’ve got to give something. So give up dependence, procrastination, laziness, need for approval, self criticism, and the loser attitude.
If a window of correcting the course of your life exists, why not open it and let in some fresh air? The basic question, however, remains to be answered. Answer it now. The question is, ‘Are you willing?’
The choice is yours. The window is open. And you can begin now.
Co-create your life and expect success.

Advanc'edge MBA, February 2008, Chitra Jha

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Your Personality Affects Your Chances Of Success

Your personality is your calling card. You carry it with you all the time. And yes, your success in any endeavor, including an admission in one of the IIMs, is determined by your personality.

There are some factors in your personality that you cannot do much about. For example, you can’t grow any taller (or shorter!) now; you cannot help your complexion (despite all the whitening creams!) There are many other cosmetic factors that require a lot of money and surgical expertise to correct, but these should not be of much concern to you.

You have to learn to shape, re-shape, and fine-tune your personality traits to such an extent that physical appeal should be enhanced despite all these so called God given short comings.

To be able to effectively do that, first you need to look at yourself objectively, identify your weak areas and work upon them. You must also look at your strengths and build upon them. It is always helpful to know our true selves and our personalities.

Our personalities are influenced by the way we manage our emotions. All of us are influenced by our emotions at one time or another. Emotions make us human. In fact Emotional Quotient is being considered as more important than Intelligence Quotient in most corporate circles. Emotions determine our behavior. The problems occur when instead of controlling our emotions, we are controlled by them.

Most of us remain in danger of being led by our emotions, but people with an emotional personality get easily influenced by emotions. They may get up one morning feeling depressed and follow that feeling throughout the day. Or they may wake up feeling angry, wanting to shout at someone, and end up doing just that. Someday, they may start feeling sorry for themselves, and sulk the entire day. They don’t know that they can control and manage these emotions to their advantage. The way we handle our emotions, determines our personality type.

There are four basic personality types. These are:-

Choleric

People with choleric personality are born leaders. They are emotional and enthusiastic about their achievements. One of their major strengths is that they can get a lot accomplished in a given time. Their major drawback is that they tend to get bossy at times. They are goal-oriented, and motivated by new ideas and challenges. They always have a plan and move towards it with diligence.


Phlegmatic

People with phlegmatic personalities usually do not show any emotions. They are more logical. They don’t get easily excited. Sometimes they come across as being ‘emotionally dead’. They are usually dull and bland about everything. They are generally ‘low-key’ type of people.


Sanguine

Sanguine personality types are the most emotional type of them all. They are bubbly and seem to bounce through life. When a Sanguine personality enters a room, it draws everyone’s attention. Such a person can be heard above everyone else in a crowded room.
Their major drawback is that they have a tendency to get on other’s nerves, but they themselves don’t notice it. They are so full of fun and energy that they are oblivious to anything other than having a good time. They are not very disciplined. They never make plans and even if they do they can’t remember it for more than five minutes. They are the ones who park their car in a parking lot and can not remember where they had parked it. The best part is that they don’t even worry about it. In fact they find it rather funny. They are always full of such funny stories to entertain others.

Melancholy

Melancholy personalities have the most trouble with depression. They are the deep people. They are the thinkers and the organizers. They are so organized that everything about them reeks of order. They believe that there is a time and place for everything and everything should belong to its place. They are really neat people. They always have a plan and they follow it to a T.

Most of us are a blend of two or more of such personality types. However, one of these traits is the most dominant one in us. Rest all are our sub-personalities that raise their head now and then. It is during those times when we surprise ourselves and others by behaving in a non-characteristic fashion. Can you find your own dominant personality type now?

You may well ask how my success depends upon my personality. The pathway to success lies in being ‘balanced’. Whatever personality type you are, you need to find a balance. Whether we like it or not we are in this world where challenge upon challenge confronts us, circumstances restrain us and our inner self mocks, sneers or cheers us (depending upon the circumstances!). Each day brings new battles whether we want them or not, and whether we are up to them or not. In such a scenario, the only thing that we can choose is- our response. And our response is determined by our personality. A balanced personality, responds with ‘responsibility’. (Responsibility means the ability to respond).

Our thoughts, our feelings and our behaviors are inextricably linked with our personality. Any activity in one area influences the other areas.



For example, let us say that you have decided to improve your vocabulary. Such an improvement will help you understand complicated issues and will also give you confidence to talk more professionally at work. This increased confidence would naturally make you feel better about yourself and also enhance your job opportunities. So you study a vocabulary book, and you learn new words and terms. But when you try to use a new word around another person, your sub-personality laughs and tells you that you sound phony. In a second your confidence collapses. Self-doubt creeps in. You start fumbling for words and feel miserable.
Once you learn how your personality is sabotaging your progress, you will be better equipped to keep your sub-personalities under control. You will become adept at getting a grip on life and becoming the person you most want to be.
Our Vedas say that self knowledge is the only true knowledge. I couldn’t agree more because all other knowledge is subservient to self knowledge.
Discover this truth for yourself and expect success.

Advanc'edge MBA, January 2008

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