Walk the Talk
“Your talk talks and your walk talks, but your walk talks louder than your talk talks.”
–John C. Maxwell, Author of ‘Developing the Leader within You’
Most of us pay a lot of attention to our communication skills and that is very desirable indeed. But we usually forget the fact that our body is also a communication tool. The fact is that 99% of people are unaware of the way they project themselves to others. However, the transfer of information through body language takes place nonetheless.
Experts in the field of communication often quote the 55/38/7 ‘Rule’ that states;
Research has shown that people derive only about 7% of the meaning of a
communication from the words per se which the speaker uses (verbalised emotion), about 38% is based on the tone of the voice the speaker uses, and over 55% from the speaker’s body language. Another general rule states that the spoken word carries about 15 % of the total information being exchanged, while body language carries the remaining 85%. Whichever rule we follow, it is clear that our body language outweighs our words in importance by a large margin. Unfortunately we pay all our attention to the spoken word and neglect to acknowledge our body’s language.
Experts also maintain that words carry only information; while body language carries emotions as well. If you want to know what kind of relationship two people have, watch their body language, rather than listen to their word.
Our education lays a lot of stress on spoken word and we spend a lot of time and energy mastering it. While speaking we must also remember that our voice, that carries these ‘all important’ words, is an important part of our personality. We use it to express many subtleties that go beyond the literal meaning of our words. What we say can mean many different things, depending on which voice tone we use. Politicians, leaders and speakers from various fields understand the importance of their voice as a tool to influence others and hire voice coaches. We need to use a soft, well modulated voice to convey our confidence in ourselves.
It is easy to learn the spoken word, it is not so difficult to train our voice; but controlling body language takes a lot more than that. The fact is that most of our postures and gestures are carried out without our being conscious of them. The body creates such gestures and movements because all its actions are governed and controlled by thoughts. Any movement means that some thought that exists in the mind is being expressed. Everything that our body does conveys something. That is why the body movements are called, ‘thoughts in motion.’
If our spoken word is in alignment with our sub-conscious thoughts, our body language reinforces our words. Problems occur when our spoken word and our body language are in conflict with each other. It implies that what we are saying is not true, because our body can not lie. Our body conveys our true, deep thoughts.
So how do we control our body language? Is it completely beyond our control? Fortunately that is not the case? We can control our movements to some extent by being aware of our body’s language and by paying attention to it.
There are some golden rules of conveying a positive impression, using our body.
1. Always look at someone directly in their eyes during a conversation. This may seem difficult at first but it is definitely the number one body language ingredient to make you successful when interacting with others. Looking directly into someone’s eyes does not mean that you stare at them. In fact, never ever stare at someone. The trick lies in tracing the inverted triangle formed by the speaker’s eyes and nose, and letting your gaze move around in that area.
Normally, you need to maintain eye contact for around 60-70% of the time during an interaction; any longer and you run the risk of making the other person feel self conscious or uncomfortable. Remember that you want to convey a feeling of comfort and genuine trust in yourself. Any more eye contact than this and you can be perceived as too intense, any less and you can give off a sense of disinterest in them.
2. Always stand up straight. You should not slouch. Not only does this make you appear shorter but it projects you as a person with low self-esteem. Good posture isn’t about standing at tin-soldier attention either; it’s about carrying yourself so you look as if you have a spine and a purpose. The key to walking tall is, knowing where you are going.
Your posture can have a significant impact on how you feel. Look at your posture as a subconscious reflection of your state of mind. Next time you notice you’re feeling a bit down or low, take a look at how you are standing or sitting. Chances are you will be slouched over, with your shoulders drooping down and inward. This collapses the chest and inhibits good breathing, which in turn can make you feel nervous or uncomfortable.
3. A smile can give any one an instant facelift. Smile is your most powerful body signal. Though it is not recommended to smile constantly (it will convey the impression that you are searching for approval), you should make an effort to appear happy and optimistic.
4. When speaking to someone, it is important to use body movements but avoid making rapid, repetitive gestures. Picture someone who is nervous while speaking in the public; this is exactly what you are not aiming for.
Your arms are a direct indication of how open and receptive you are to everyone you meet and interact with. The more outgoing you are as a person, the more you tend to use big movements with your arms. The quieter you are the less you tend to move your arms away from your body. Strive to keep your movements somewhere in between the two. This will project you in the best possible light.
When gesturing, imagine a box that goes from your chin to your waist and is as wide as your shoulders. Keep all your gestures within that box. Make sure when you move your hands, that they remain closer to your body than your elbows are. Thus your hand movements will appear controlled and unthreatening.
It is important to keep your arms out to the sides of your body or behind your back, if you are standing and interacting. This displays a sense that you are comfortable and confident with your surroundings or situation.
Avoid crossing your arms while speaking. This makes you unapproachable and conveys a host of negative behavior. People read this as a defensive, nervous gesture. You might not feel that way; it might simply be a position you find comfortable, but perceptions are very important in any communication.
Don’t ever point with your fingers. It reminds people of being scolded. Use your whole hand and gesture with an open palm when you need to indicate something.
5. Legs are the most difficult parts of our bodies to consciously control. It is also no accident that they are the farthest from our brain. They tend to move around a lot more than normal when we are stressed, nervous, or being deceptive. Try your best to quiet your body and keep your legs as still as possible in most situations, especially at interviews or work meetings.
Be conscious and careful how you are crossing your legs. Should you cross at the knees or the ankles? It is best to avoid crossing your legs, and under no circumstances put one leg completely over your other knee. This position is known as the ‘Figure Four’ and is perceived as a defensive posture. However, you may cross your legs at the ankles if that makes you comfortable.
6. Learning how to position your head when interacting with others can be a tremendous tool to have. It can be a very effective and versatile resource, depending on the message you wish to convey.
When you want to feel confident and self assured, keep your head leveled, both horizontally and vertically. You can also use this straight head position when you want to be authoritative and want your word to be taken seriously.
Conversely, when you want to be friendly and in a listening, receptive mode, tilt your head just a little to one side or the other. You can shift the tilt from left to right at different points in conversation. This is interpreted as respectfully listening with interest.
7. Touching your face, and scratching around the mouth or cheek area, are considered a dead giveaway. These gestures imply that you are lying; and even under the best of circumstances, look kind of weird and gross.
Finally, it is all very well to learn some of these positive body signals, but like I mentioned earlier, body can not lie. Its language comes from the subconscious and we can not fake it for long, and all the time. If you want to have sustained success, it has to come from within. You have to look at the big picture. If you lack confidence or self-esteem, or if you possess a negative attitude, first work on these areas. As you begin to transform these inner beliefs, your body will speak a different language. What is more important is that it will be a real, true part of you. The following quote says it all.
“It’s never too late to be, what you might have become.”
- George Eliot, Famous Victorian Novelist
Advanc’edge MBA, March 2007, Chitra Jha
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